this post must be jinxed....im writing this for the 3rd time...both the times the comp crashed...my laptop crashed for the 2nd time evr! :(
ok..neways, school started on 2nd jan. we went to skul dressed in 4mals...(make a gud impression :P)..ppl must hav thot we were lusers..lol...neways, we showed up at school, n we were told that NJ had NO record of us..at all. that was quite a shock. so we spent half n hour convincing them that we really belonged to the school, and wernt sum random vagabonds. then they put us in our OGs (Orientation groups)...for the next three days, I have no clue what i did..thsoe three days are lyk lost to me..i dunno what i did...where i went...whom i spoke with in my OG..i remember nuthing...n i dun even hav ne pix..i just know that we had to sign up for our subject combinations...and i launched a minor campaign to try n reinstate computing as a subject. we also had to take stupid selection exams for sum of the suubjects...accelerated maths...KI (Knowledge n Inquiry..aka...philosphy)..i wanted to take the KI xam..but i was sleeping during test time...so...
neways..then i got put in my permanent class..OG19...with shashank..apparently we had passed the acc. math xam...my class was a lotta fun...the orientashun games were amazing..n our class techer was lyk one of the coolest froods ever. i had a lotta fun in the amazing race type thing that we did as a class,,,n we came second in the school! the dance was kinda depressing...cuz i do NOT like to dance..n it ws soooo tiring..n repetitive after a while...but the dance party that ended orientashun week ws a bomb! prolly the highlight of orientashun week...oh n we also had a waterballoon fight, where we could pretty much hit ne1 we wanted with filled water balloons :) yep, it was prty much all out war...rofl
then, school officially started...every1 got down to studying...xcept me...cuz it was basically revision for me...cum on...i had to do vector scalar product... :-| i zzzed in every lecture except economics...my econs teacher is god...all i used to do in those days was cum to school, sleep in the library, n play tennis. the tennis court was the only place where i would wake up...cuz we really had sum really good players this year...seniors who passed out this year... the first three months are usually called the "honeymoon period" cuz theres really no pressure of academics...we used to go out almost every day...i chked out a lot of CCAs(co-curricular activities)...doing totally pointless things..i remember i bunked 8 consecutive weeks of GP (english) lessons...the first term...is lyk a blank to me..its lyk i was on a permanent drug-fuelled high...cuz i dun remeber nething much we did then...which is gud, cuz i dun think i did nething productive then
all the direct scholars were pr8y much jobless..we went down to the city pretty often...n we would randomly meet up...discussing JC life...n prety much enjoying it...
but then march arrived, and it was tym 4 me to go home...jus 4 a week...but that was gud enuf...i needed supplies...n to recharge...so, i came home...n then i went back...the week passed lyk a flash...i was back before i knew it.
when i came back, i had enrichment week. that was another fun week. we went to sentossa for the camp challenge. we built rafts..my raft broke up in the middle of the sea, and we had to swim back to shore...laughing all the way...it was amazing...great fun...i also went bowling...i learnt how to bowl...too bad i dont remember any of the techniques i learnt there. then i went for a movie...where there was so much free food...i cudnt finish it..lol.
n then the screwage started...
1. nanyang research project...i got involved in a computing project that just sapped all my energy..n still is...n worse, its an A level graded project..so i cant slack on it
2. PW..project work...it is the saddest thing ever.
3. studies did get a lil tuff....i mean not the level of education..its jus that i cudnt answer a cuple of questions in every tutorial...at first i just shrugged it off...but then it became worrying..my IIT training didnt help me in these questions...which wernt sums...but questions required paragraph length answers...
April was the so-called killer month. I had tennis national championships...cricket nationals...weekly class tests....maths accelerated program classes...maths olympiad trainings..weekly research meetings...science olympiad trainings...i remembered pranav n I would encourage each other...just 3 more weeks to go b4 april ends...cuz pranav had just as punishing a routine as i did....I used to cum back 4m school at 8 every night...n collapse on the bed...doing tutorials n studying wasnt even in the picture...we passed april...alive...n suddenly life seemed so much easier...
April was the litmus test. things didnt get much worse than april...after we survived that we knew that the rest of our stay wud be comparatively smoother...may was ok...mostly Pw to work on.. tennis training was 'deintensified'...lol...i started getting home earlier...around 6...haha. then i got involved in the national day parade..and all of my saturdays had to be wasted there. so, my workload was pretty evenly distributed throughout the week. PW was a disaster...our group was the most disorganised one...everyone was unique...uniquely disturbed..maybe thats y, when we did get down to work, we made such amazing progress...cuz no1s abilities overlapped each othes. we all had unique talents tat we used to the max...n then the may vacations rolled around...a month long break from school...in theory...
Monday, December 8, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
SG days...Part II of ?
People Profyl...
Ankit Ganla... first friend...met him on the bus that was upposed to take me sumwhere...very first day...im trying to sleep...n this bald hairy guy ( dun ask me hw u can b bald n hairy at d same time) cums n says im ankit...i thot he was the tour guide or sumthing...so i went back to sleep...or tried to... cuz he sat ryt nex to me...n kept pestering me with questions...well, I learnt that he was always gonna b that irritating...n also that he was my rommmate..so it tried to put up with him...still putting up...12 months later :P..
ankit is the happy go lucky guy...spks inglis with the same wannabe amrikan axent that 1/2 of india tries to emulate... speaks marathi with the same axent that... ok i better not continue...
student councillor...does a lotta crzy stuff...has more hair on his face at any given time than I have on my ntyr body
Plackerwal.. i am told that his real name is sumthing else...but i dun remeber it :P... his lyf has 2 modes...sleeping n running. When placky is in natural state...he is horizontal on his bed..when placky is in P +6 state, he is on the track, rotating around it. Placky sleeps when im awake and plackyz awake when im sleeping...This arrangement evolved cuz neither of us fit in our beds...so our legs inevitably end up on the wrong bed :P plackyz prolly the 2nd best CS player ever...the best DoTA player ive seen...n basically gawdlyk in every sport known to man..n some unknown to man...till recently he was in NJC track n field...but then he became jealous of my $60 roland garros tennis team t shurt..so hes in NJ tennis now...lol... so now we r the "indians in tennis".. when both of us are plying... the entire singpaore police is deployed with snipers trained on us. this dude is up 4 nething..as long as he gets to go 2 sleep after doing it...oh, n to everyone in NJ, we both look the same...ppl think we r twins... cuz we r both tall, dark n not-so-handsome.
Shashank: "Shashank ek anokha prani hai...issey mainak aur ankit ke roommey paya jata" - anonymous. for the first part of the year, shashank - aka shashi- slept in our room. for the next part, he slept on the couch in the common area...dun ask me why. shashi is my classmate. the only other indian in my class..or atleast he is..whenever he comes to school. shashi has taken more medical certificates of absence in a week than i have in a year...
maths teacher: mainak is shashank sick?
me: i hope so...cuz he definitely has a certificate saying he's sick
that d00d is lazier than I am...n thats saying sumthing...his only CCA is Cricket...cum on...who joins cricket openly? thats lyk saying i cum from bihar in front of bal thackerays house...its suicide. oh...n hes got a robot called Alex
Bong Yi Ping: the first day...im jetlagged n sleepy...n im sitting in a comfy chair that is EXTREMELY conducive to sleep...n suddenly this lady booms "bong"...my first reaction is to stand at attention...but then i decide its too much effort...if she really wants to call me she shud call my name..nt my state's...to my surprise a very shrill voice screams something...im like...bong is a person? more importantly, bong is a girl? hu the crap names their kid bong? neway turned out bong was her last name...she is NOT bengali...n shes totally embarrased abt her name...cum on hu wudnt be?
she givs me food...when im hungry..in other wods..ALL the time...smart gal...gud dancer...way b8r than i am :P
Yeo Minli: for the first few days i thot she had the kewlest name EVER...i mean..her name was yo! then i found out it was her surname.. that was a depressing event...lol. prolly the smartest person i know...gonna get a gold in bio olympiad after studying for lyk 2 mths...owns every1 in NJ lol
Soon Yin Wei: SAT! thats the name i gave him cuz he was always talking abt the SAT and when we would be giving it...he was obsessed with teh SAT...everyday he wud cum down to the comp lab n chk the daily SAT question...i wud b chatting on gtalk..n he wud cum..n do the question n then go away..after the first month he was posted to my class....n then he got into orion with me n shashank...so we were lyk thrown together quite a lot.. then he was in my PW group. My sad sad pathetic in the beginning and then amazing in the end PW group...infact he was the one who provided the idea for my groups project...that guy was a smart dude. Then suddenly in the middle of the holidays, I got a call telling me that he was leaving SG to go to the US. n then my world came crashing down around me...ryt there in the Singapore zoo, in the bird enclosure, i was lyk: there is no way...wat happens to our PW group? But yeah, we pulled through in the end..so thats alright. Ironically, I talked more with him after he left than when we were classmates. even though we did go out together quite a lot too, being like the only direct scholars, we were different from the rest...i guess u never really estimate the worth of a person until he or she leaves...i think college day was the last time we really hung out.. now the dudes in malaysia doing sum bridging course 4 the US. The moral of the story is: If u wanna make it to the US, get insulted by me :P
SG days... part I of ?
all right, after a long time, i have a LOT of free time....actually...nt free time per se, just too lazy to do anything right now. i'm supposed to writing my research report...my college apps....my essays...preping for SAT...and studying econs..but who cares?
I know the readership of this blog is now perfectly 0 ( even i dont check nemore), so it has become more of a place i would like to share my feelings and thoughts right now. Something of a time capsule, come back to it a couple of years 4m now ( hopefully, logging in 4m a country in the western hemisphere) and see how my thought processes have changed...
this is not gonna be a funny post...more of a metahorical reflective assessment of the past 12 months ( u can see ive been practising for the SAT :P)
MY journey from the 17th of december, 2007...how ironic i remember the date of my KVPY interview but not that of many more important things in my life.
In the morning I had my KVPY interview.. my recomendation letter was written by my bio teacher..hwn i had clearly stated that i did NOT wish to be tested on bio...a mismatch that did NOT go unnoticed by the professors. the interview did not go well at all, the questions that they asked were of a kind that I had never heard before ( what do u expect? I had never had a technical interview before!) I blubbered thru the questions...
prof: how is a rainbow formed? me: light hits water...it bounces off at 62 degrees...makes rainbow. prof: can u elaborate further? me: no
prof: :-| plz try. me: (thinks in bengali) how am i supposed to try if i dunno nething at all?
prof2: ok, prove this...gives this huge trigo sum...
me: i'm sorry, can I have another sum, I have no clue abt this...
prof2 prolly thinks: no future..
The next professor was kinder, He asked me a question about light...something i remember i gave a coherent rreply to...then i was told i could go
when I came out, i was DRENCHED in sweat...the only time in my life i was ever THAT nervous...the interview..comprising of only 3 technical questions...had taken 25 minutes...but it had felt like 30 seconds...
I remember telling my dad in the car( the first time that my dad accompanied me newhere) that it was a good experience...n that i was prolly gonna be the lowest scorer in the entire nation... come to think of it..i had given the examination without a calculator....i had had to derive the value of sin 50 by hand...what do u expect? lol
neway, my flight to bangalore was in a couple of hours..and my passport couldnt be found. every1 was searching for it, and i was doing pushups...just to get rid of the interview stress....even my SIA interview had not been nearly as stressful even though the stakes had been MUCH MUCH higher ( I knew i wasnt eligible for KVPY :( ) neways, we found my passport...and we set off for the airport...
my mom dad n bro all had come to the airport...India's the only country where three people come to see of 1 person at the airport...actually 2...cuz dad was coming too...the flight was short...didnt get hijacked.... then it was the long wait at banglaore...during which i wondered y i was travellign 4m bangalore...when there was a flight at the exact same time out of calcutta... some mysteries just cant be solved.
neway, another flight later, i arrived, thoroughly sleepy and jetlagged. The MOE officer told me i was going to Hwa Chong Boarding School, and I was over the moon, thinking I was going to Hwa Chong JC...a couple of hours later my hopes were dashed when my scholarship letter told me i was goin to someplace called national Jc... something i hadnt even heard of till then. That first day I met all the Indian scholars....arnd 20 of us in total....and I tried to teach a couple of malaysians my name....with some not so pleasing results....
Side story: My Name
my name has always been a bone of contention...with a lot of ppl confusing it with mayank....
To bengalis: My name is M o i nak Ghosh
To non-bengalis: My name is M ay nak Ghosh
To all the peoples living east of India : My name has become Maaai Naak Gosh :|
neways...back to my pathetic life..i was so depressed i asked my dad to buy tickets back home, and he told me to hold on for a couple more weeks till school started and then make a decision...so thats the point where i became stuck in sg lol
Orientation lasted arnd a week... It was fun....we went around doing extremely pointless things... things which I thought were so childish...but later (now) i realise,, they were so essential in getting us bonded together. Friendship has been refined to a science there, unlike in india, where the best way to make friends is to insult that person n hope that he or she will take some notice of u... :P The historical tours of SG...so boring then, were necessary, to understand the cultural perspectives of the people, the adventure camp at Sentosa...really helped us work as a team...altho half of us (including me )cudnt run the whole thing. The leadership camp thing...we had a lot of fun....doing the bhangra...while the others looked on....wondering wat these jokers were doing... the trip to little india was scary... i havent seen that much dirt in the REAL India 8D...and then Chinatown, where I was told my name cudnt be spelt in Chinese :(
Looking back, I wish I had made more friends then and NOT lost all the pictures... moe orientation was the favourite part of my stay in SG...cuz we had absolutely no cares...all we had to do was njoy the (free) ride...the whole hostel belonged to us...we could run arnd..doing watever we wanted... all we did was move around...meeting frnds...chatting ( the bengali term is adda..)... I think we must have visited all the other hostels atleast 5 times each during those 2 weeks... heheh...but yeah...after school began...the trips slowly wound down...
Friday, May 23, 2008
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007
J. Random Thoughts
hy ppl....
i kno its bin a long tym since i last posted any shit on ze blog...n an even longer since i axully wrote sum shit which was not plagiarized 4m sumwer else...( yah tommy...stop nodding ur hed...i get ur point olredy)...but lets face it....ppl r bizy....
tommyz duin IIT
shankyz duin AIIMs
mankys duin SMU
rethiz duin dope
aprur biye hochey na
ban is duin fashion tek
manobit bal is duin an internship @ northrop grumman
etc etc
so we r all very very bizy ppl.....den y do I hav sooo much free tym? y is it dat i am wryting an utterly useless blog post totally devoid of reezun, purpose and uptil now, humour????
lemme tell u y....cuz d Indian system of education is the single most terrifying machine known to man 2 put knowledge into the heads of the thousands of mindless "students' who go thru it....as such, when dese ppl cum in2 contact with ppl hu hav not gone thru d IIT grind...dey just cannot adjust...the need and desire to study...to do maths....to smell the musty brown pages of Irodov is just too overpowering....
kids from ne oder sytem of education, when they are faced with a 2 week enforced break from studies willingly and happily spend their time doing something else...but the indians just are NOT used 2 NOT studying 4 such an extended amount of tym....sure, we will watch Russell Peters...we will go to evry shopping amll on the planet...but in the end...at nyt..wen evry1 else is sleeping...every closet IIT aspirant is secretly reading JD lee or wateva shit buk they hav,...
note: evry1 is a closet IIT aspirant...no1 is allowed to say that he is a serious IIT aspirant...it s lyk sum sort of unwritten law....
IIT aspirant 1: hi dyud
IIT aspirant 2: watzup?
1: nm...u?
2: its ql...hws studies goin?
1: umm..dey r gud...we duin classical relativity now...
2: hmm..dats quite hard isnt it? so, u trying 4 d IIT?
1: nah..man....its pr8y hard...lets c....u?
2: dunno man...lets c....
normal convo 4 science students in the mother cuntry.....its an open secret dat 1 goes 2 asis sanyal/supriyo ghosh/gautam Das....n 2 takes Fijji/Aakash/Briliant...btu no1 will openly admit that he is aiming 4 the IITs....its lyk admitting that u r studying 4 IIT will mysteriously screw up your chances of getting in2 the world's greatest BTech factory...
It is so hot in singapore.....man...it is so Tshurt drenchingly hot...man i never thot i wud c a HOT kristmas...but yes..I was SWEATING on kristmas day...WTF??? isnt der sum kynd of law made by Jeebus.....thou shalt nawt exercyz thy sweat glands on my holy budday?? wat d hell...d singpur govt shud b fyned or sumthing....
man...that was lyk the randomiest post ever made by man....neways...I gtg now...stay ql..unlyk me...
Peace, Yo!
i kno its bin a long tym since i last posted any shit on ze blog...n an even longer since i axully wrote sum shit which was not plagiarized 4m sumwer else...( yah tommy...stop nodding ur hed...i get ur point olredy)...but lets face it....ppl r bizy....
tommyz duin IIT
shankyz duin AIIMs
mankys duin SMU
rethiz duin dope
aprur biye hochey na
ban is duin fashion tek
manobit bal is duin an internship @ northrop grumman
etc etc
so we r all very very bizy ppl.....den y do I hav sooo much free tym? y is it dat i am wryting an utterly useless blog post totally devoid of reezun, purpose and uptil now, humour????
lemme tell u y....cuz d Indian system of education is the single most terrifying machine known to man 2 put knowledge into the heads of the thousands of mindless "students' who go thru it....as such, when dese ppl cum in2 contact with ppl hu hav not gone thru d IIT grind...dey just cannot adjust...the need and desire to study...to do maths....to smell the musty brown pages of Irodov is just too overpowering....
kids from ne oder sytem of education, when they are faced with a 2 week enforced break from studies willingly and happily spend their time doing something else...but the indians just are NOT used 2 NOT studying 4 such an extended amount of tym....sure, we will watch Russell Peters...we will go to evry shopping amll on the planet...but in the end...at nyt..wen evry1 else is sleeping...every closet IIT aspirant is secretly reading JD lee or wateva shit buk they hav,...
note: evry1 is a closet IIT aspirant...no1 is allowed to say that he is a serious IIT aspirant...it s lyk sum sort of unwritten law....
IIT aspirant 1: hi dyud
IIT aspirant 2: watzup?
1: nm...u?
2: its ql...hws studies goin?
1: umm..dey r gud...we duin classical relativity now...
2: hmm..dats quite hard isnt it? so, u trying 4 d IIT?
1: nah..man....its pr8y hard...lets c....u?
2: dunno man...lets c....
normal convo 4 science students in the mother cuntry.....its an open secret dat 1 goes 2 asis sanyal/supriyo ghosh/gautam Das....n 2 takes Fijji/Aakash/Briliant...btu no1 will openly admit that he is aiming 4 the IITs....its lyk admitting that u r studying 4 IIT will mysteriously screw up your chances of getting in2 the world's greatest BTech factory...
It is so hot in singapore.....man...it is so Tshurt drenchingly hot...man i never thot i wud c a HOT kristmas...but yes..I was SWEATING on kristmas day...WTF??? isnt der sum kynd of law made by Jeebus.....thou shalt nawt exercyz thy sweat glands on my holy budday?? wat d hell...d singpur govt shud b fyned or sumthing....
man...that was lyk the randomiest post ever made by man....neways...I gtg now...stay ql..unlyk me...
Peace, Yo!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
More Mohan facts
Ever see the Grand Canyon? Manky had nothing to do with it, he just went there once on a family vacation.
The letters in Mohans' name can be rearranged to spell doom in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.
Unlike most other humans, Mohan can acutally travel through the Internet, exit at your PC, and kick your ass if he wants to.
Mohan once shot a German plane down with his finger by pointing at it and yelling, "Bang!"
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Mohan. Mohan showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Mohan let the dogs out.
Mohan has caught all 386 pokemon. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.
If you take Mohan and subtract the letters o, h, m, n and a then add the letters j, e, s, u, and s--in that order--you end up with Jesus.
Mohan is the reason Jack is in a box.
Mohan was also born on krypton like superman. But unlike bitch-ass superman, Mohan walked here.
Mohan can make two wrongs make a right.
Mohan floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
Mohan removed his funny bone after a tragic meeting were a young black man bumped into is elbow Mohan, feeling a strange tingling sensation, ripped out his funny bone and beat the black man beyond recognition. Micheal Jackson has not and never will recover from this encounter.
When Mohan breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
Mohan can shoot a man with a knife.
Mohan' computer mouse is a real mouse.
A Mohan roundhouse kick moves at the speed of a Mohan roundhouse kick. Light and sound follow days later, for those still alive who witnessed it.
Some say you are what you eat. Mohan eats babies, but if you ever call him a baby he will roundhouse kick you back to infancy and eat you.
Peace, Yo!
The letters in Mohans' name can be rearranged to spell doom in twelve different languages, including Esperanto, but not French.
Unlike most other humans, Mohan can acutally travel through the Internet, exit at your PC, and kick your ass if he wants to.
Mohan once shot a German plane down with his finger by pointing at it and yelling, "Bang!"
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Mohan. Mohan showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Mohan let the dogs out.
Mohan has caught all 386 pokemon. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.
If you take Mohan and subtract the letters o, h, m, n and a then add the letters j, e, s, u, and s--in that order--you end up with Jesus.
Mohan is the reason Jack is in a box.
Mohan was also born on krypton like superman. But unlike bitch-ass superman, Mohan walked here.
Mohan can make two wrongs make a right.
Mohan floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
Mohan removed his funny bone after a tragic meeting were a young black man bumped into is elbow Mohan, feeling a strange tingling sensation, ripped out his funny bone and beat the black man beyond recognition. Micheal Jackson has not and never will recover from this encounter.
When Mohan breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
Mohan can shoot a man with a knife.
Mohan' computer mouse is a real mouse.
A Mohan roundhouse kick moves at the speed of a Mohan roundhouse kick. Light and sound follow days later, for those still alive who witnessed it.
Some say you are what you eat. Mohan eats babies, but if you ever call him a baby he will roundhouse kick you back to infancy and eat you.
Peace, Yo!
Facts about Mohan
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Mohan can piss his name into concrete.
Mohanz calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Mohan
Mohan once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Mohanz tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Mohan counted to infinity - twice.
Mohan was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Mohan can speak braille.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Mohanz sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Mohan owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
If you spell Mohan wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Mohan?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Mohan puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
On a high school math test, Mohan put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Mohan solves all his problems with Violence.
Mohan can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Mohan can delete the Recycling Bin.
Superman owns a pair of Mohan pajamas.
Mohan can slam revolving doors.
Giraffes were created when Mohan uppercutted a horse.
Mohan sleeps with a night light. Not because Mohan is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Mohan
Mohan sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Mohan roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Mohan can kill two stones with one bird.
Bill G8s libs in constant fear dan Mohanz PC wil crash
Mohan doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Mohan.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Mohan can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Mohan can drown a fish.
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Mohan and forgot to pay him back.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mohan could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Mnaky sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
Circles exist because Mohan beat the crap out of some squares.
All of Mohanz genes are dominant.
Only once has Mohan ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
On the sixth day, God said, "let there never be Mohan." On the seventh day, God was in the hospital.
As Mohan approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.
Mohan is the SI unit used to measure phear.
Getting murdered by Mohan counts as a natural cause of death.
Mohan irons his shirts while he's wearing them.
Mohan is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Mohan. They owe him $5.
Mohan can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Peace, Yo!
Mohanz calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Mohan
Mohan once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Mohanz tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Mohan counted to infinity - twice.
Mohan was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Mohan can speak braille.
Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Mohanz sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
Mohan owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
If you spell Mohan wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Mohan?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Mohan puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
On a high school math test, Mohan put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Mohan solves all his problems with Violence.
Mohan can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Mohan can delete the Recycling Bin.
Superman owns a pair of Mohan pajamas.
Mohan can slam revolving doors.
Giraffes were created when Mohan uppercutted a horse.
Mohan sleeps with a night light. Not because Mohan is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Mohan
Mohan sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Mohan roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Mohan can kill two stones with one bird.
Bill G8s libs in constant fear dan Mohanz PC wil crash
Mohan doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Mohan.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Mohan can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Mohan can drown a fish.
The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Mohan and forgot to pay him back.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Mohan could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Mnaky sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
Circles exist because Mohan beat the crap out of some squares.
All of Mohanz genes are dominant.
Only once has Mohan ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
On the sixth day, God said, "let there never be Mohan." On the seventh day, God was in the hospital.
As Mohan approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.
Mohan is the SI unit used to measure phear.
Getting murdered by Mohan counts as a natural cause of death.
Mohan irons his shirts while he's wearing them.
Mohan is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Mohan. They owe him $5.
Mohan can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Peace, Yo!
Friday, June 1, 2007
Lessons in K, Pt 5: Da Kless K
Baba Bitkel told this parable: A traveler, fleeing a tiger who was
chasing him, ran till he came to the edge of a cliff. There he
caught hold of a thick vine, and swung himself over the edge.
Above him the tiger snarled. Below him he heard another snarl, and
behold, there was another tiger, peering up at him. The vine
suspended him midway between two tigers.
Two mice, a white mouse and a black mouse, began to gnaw at the
vine. He could see they were quickly eating it through. Then in
front of him on the cliffside he saw a luscious bunch of grapes.
Holding onto the vine with one hand, he reached and picked a grape
with the other.
How delicious!
Manky hurd it n sed: "Tor ..."
n Baba Bitkel neber told parables agen.
A puzzled kalia once said to Dari: "You say truth can be
expressed without speaking, and without keeping silent. How can
this be?"
Dari answered, "In Southern KLand in the Spring, when I was
only a lad, ah! how birds sang among the blossoms."
Kalia sed: "no 1der ppl dun ask u 4 adbhyc!"
n Kalia was nlytened.
A kStud once asked the master Shanky if he would please
tell him the basic principle of BuddhismK. He did this by asking:
"Why did KMan come out of da kewl skul into da unkewl skul?"
"Wait," said Shanky. "Later, when there is no one around except us
two, I will tell you."
During the day they were alone together several times, and several
times da kStud started to ask his question again, but each time the
master put his fingers to his lips. Finally, da kStud insisted on an
answer. Shanky took him outside.
"There is no one here. Tell me!" said kStud.
Shanky whispered, "These bamboos here are tall. Those bamboos there
are short. That is why Kman came to da unkewl skul!"
n thus, da kStud was nlytened.
A K master named Gamla asked a young student to bring him a pail of water to cool his bath.
The student brought the water and, after cooling the bath, threw on to the ground the little that was left over.
"You dunce!" the master scolded him. "Why didn't you give the rest of the water to the plants? What right have you to waste even a drop of water in this kewl skul?"
The young student attained K in that instant. He changed his name to Tekisui, which means a drop of water.
n da yung stud replied: "dhusala...nijer naam cahnge kor!"
n da Gamla was nlytened.
Dari had studied with KMan since childhood. When he was twenty he wanted to leave his teacher and visit others for comparitive study, but KMan would not permit this. Every time Dari suggested it, KMan would give him a rap on the head.
Finally Dari asked an elder sister to coax permission from KMan. This the sister did and then reported to Dari: "It is arranged. I have fixed it for you to start on your pilgrimage at once."
Dari went to KMan to thank him for his permission. The master answered by giving him another rap.
When Dari related this to his elder sister the other said: "What is the matter? KMan has no business giving premission and then changing his mind. I will tell him so." And off she went to see the teacher.
"I did not cancel my permission," said KMan. "I just wished to give him one last smack over the head, for when he returns he will be enlightened and I will not be able to reprimand him again."
Dari hurd dis n was nlytened...After he came bak, he went 2 see kMan...n sed: " Jodi rap korish, tokey ...". N dari was neber rapped agen.
A K master named Manky lived in the latter part of the Jacky era. He used to say: "There are three kinds of kStuds: those who impart K to others, those who maintain the kewl skuls, and then there are the rice bags and the clothes-hangers."
n thus, da ryc bags wer nlytned...
K masters give personal gidance in a secluded room. No one enters while teacher and pupil are together.
Jimmy, the K master of da kewl sku;, used 2 enjoy talking with merchants and newspapermen as well as with his kSTuds. A certain rodmaker was almost illiterate. He would ask foolish questions of Jimmy, have tea, and then go away.
One day while the rodmaker was there Jimmy wished to give personal guidance to a disciple, so he asked the rodmaker to wait in another room.
"I understand you are a living K," the man protested. "Even the stone kMen in the kewl skul never refuse the numerous persons who come together before them. Why then should I be excluded?"
Jimmy raised an eyebrow n sed: "do u reeeeally wish 2 kno?"
da rodmaker considered....n went away..quickly. He had attained nlytenment.
Peace, Yo!
chasing him, ran till he came to the edge of a cliff. There he
caught hold of a thick vine, and swung himself over the edge.
Above him the tiger snarled. Below him he heard another snarl, and
behold, there was another tiger, peering up at him. The vine
suspended him midway between two tigers.
Two mice, a white mouse and a black mouse, began to gnaw at the
vine. He could see they were quickly eating it through. Then in
front of him on the cliffside he saw a luscious bunch of grapes.
Holding onto the vine with one hand, he reached and picked a grape
with the other.
How delicious!
Manky hurd it n sed: "Tor ..."
n Baba Bitkel neber told parables agen.
A puzzled kalia once said to Dari: "You say truth can be
expressed without speaking, and without keeping silent. How can
this be?"
Dari answered, "In Southern KLand in the Spring, when I was
only a lad, ah! how birds sang among the blossoms."
Kalia sed: "no 1der ppl dun ask u 4 adbhyc!"
n Kalia was nlytened.
A kStud once asked the master Shanky if he would please
tell him the basic principle of BuddhismK. He did this by asking:
"Why did KMan come out of da kewl skul into da unkewl skul?"
"Wait," said Shanky. "Later, when there is no one around except us
two, I will tell you."
During the day they were alone together several times, and several
times da kStud started to ask his question again, but each time the
master put his fingers to his lips. Finally, da kStud insisted on an
answer. Shanky took him outside.
"There is no one here. Tell me!" said kStud.
Shanky whispered, "These bamboos here are tall. Those bamboos there
are short. That is why Kman came to da unkewl skul!"
n thus, da kStud was nlytened.
A K master named Gamla asked a young student to bring him a pail of water to cool his bath.
The student brought the water and, after cooling the bath, threw on to the ground the little that was left over.
"You dunce!" the master scolded him. "Why didn't you give the rest of the water to the plants? What right have you to waste even a drop of water in this kewl skul?"
The young student attained K in that instant. He changed his name to Tekisui, which means a drop of water.
n da yung stud replied: "dhusala...nijer naam cahnge kor!"
n da Gamla was nlytened.
Dari had studied with KMan since childhood. When he was twenty he wanted to leave his teacher and visit others for comparitive study, but KMan would not permit this. Every time Dari suggested it, KMan would give him a rap on the head.
Finally Dari asked an elder sister to coax permission from KMan. This the sister did and then reported to Dari: "It is arranged. I have fixed it for you to start on your pilgrimage at once."
Dari went to KMan to thank him for his permission. The master answered by giving him another rap.
When Dari related this to his elder sister the other said: "What is the matter? KMan has no business giving premission and then changing his mind. I will tell him so." And off she went to see the teacher.
"I did not cancel my permission," said KMan. "I just wished to give him one last smack over the head, for when he returns he will be enlightened and I will not be able to reprimand him again."
Dari hurd dis n was nlytened...After he came bak, he went 2 see kMan...n sed: " Jodi rap korish, tokey ...". N dari was neber rapped agen.
A K master named Manky lived in the latter part of the Jacky era. He used to say: "There are three kinds of kStuds: those who impart K to others, those who maintain the kewl skuls, and then there are the rice bags and the clothes-hangers."
n thus, da ryc bags wer nlytned...
K masters give personal gidance in a secluded room. No one enters while teacher and pupil are together.
Jimmy, the K master of da kewl sku;, used 2 enjoy talking with merchants and newspapermen as well as with his kSTuds. A certain rodmaker was almost illiterate. He would ask foolish questions of Jimmy, have tea, and then go away.
One day while the rodmaker was there Jimmy wished to give personal guidance to a disciple, so he asked the rodmaker to wait in another room.
"I understand you are a living K," the man protested. "Even the stone kMen in the kewl skul never refuse the numerous persons who come together before them. Why then should I be excluded?"
Jimmy raised an eyebrow n sed: "do u reeeeally wish 2 kno?"
da rodmaker considered....n went away..quickly. He had attained nlytenment.
Peace, Yo!
Friday, May 25, 2007
Lessons in k, Pt 4
THE master Baba Bitkel had a visitor who came to inquire about K. But
instead of listening, the visitor kept talking about his own
ideas.
After a while, Baba Bitkel served tea. He poured tea into his visitor's
cup until it was full, then he kept on pouring.
Finally the visitor could not restrain himself. "Don't you see
it's full?" he said. "You can't get any more in!"
"Just so," replied Babs Bitkel, stopping at last. "And like this cup,
you are filled with your own ideas. How can you expect me to give
you K unless you offer me an empty cup?"
"lyk dis," sed da bhisitor, n he threw da tea on Baba Bitkel's face
n Baba Bitkel was nlytened.
THE MASTER Gamla said: "Neo, the first wheelmaker, made two
wheels. Each had fifty spokes. Suppose you cut out the hubs? Would
there still be a wheel?"
Manky sed: "d00d how many drugs r u on?"
n Gamla was nlytened.
TWO kMasters, Shanky and Baba Bitkel, were walking down a muddy street in
the city. They came on a lovely young girl dressed in fine silks,
who was afraid to cross because of all the mud.
"Come on, girl," said Shanky. And he picked her up in his arms,
and carried her across.
The two kMasters did not speak again till nightfall. Then, when they
had returned to the monastery, Baba Bitkel couldn't keep quiet any
longer.
"kMasters shouldn't go near girls,' he said ; "certainly not
beautiful ones like that one! Why did you do it?"
"My dear fellow," said Shanky. "I put that girl down, way back in
the city. It's you who are still carrying her!"
Once a student asked old Jimmy: "You teach that we must empty our
minds. I have nothing in my mind. Now what shall I do?"
"Throw it out!" said Jimmy.
"But I have nothing. How can I throw it out?"
"If you can't throw it out, carry it out! Drive it out! Empty it
out! But don't stand there in front of me with nothing in your
mind!"
Da kSTud tried 2 protest..seeing dis, Jimmy lifted an eyebrow
n da Kstud was nlytened.
Dari once asked Neo to explain to him the old
problem of the goose in the bottle. "If a man puts a gosling into
the bottle" he said, "and feeds the gosling through the
bottle-neck until it grows and grows and becomes a goose, and then
there just is no more room inside the bottle, how can the man get
it out without killing the goose, or breaking the bottle?"
"Dari!" shouted Neo, and gave a great clap with his hands.
"Yes, master," said the Dari with a start.
"See!" said Neo, "the goose is out!"
Manky said to Kman: "K is a man hanging from a tree over
a cliff. He is holding on to a twig with his teeth. His hands hold
no branch. His feet find no branch. Up on the cliff-edge a man
shouts at him: 'What is K?'
"If he fails to answer he is lost. If he answers, he dies. What
must he do?"
Kman replied: "_|_"
n Manky was nlytened.
A new kewl skul was to be opened, and the master Manky had to
decide which of his kStuds should be put in charge. So he called
the kStuds together, filled a vase with water, and said to them:
"Which one of you can say what this is without giving its name?"
The chief kStud, who expected to be given the new mastership, spoke
first. "It stands upright, it is hollow inside, but it is not a
wooden shoe," he said.
Another kStud said, "It is not a pond, because it can be carried."
Then the cook, lowest of the kStuds, arose. He kicked over the vase
with his foot, so the water ran out on to the floor. He had shown
how to achieve emptiness.
Manky gave him the job, n no1 was hungry in dat kewl skul eber agen.
But Manky neber got da money 4 da broken bhase.
n Manky was nlytened.
HERE is a story the K masters sometimes told: There was an old
woman who was born in the same town as Baba Bitkel, but ever since she
had been a little girl she had been afraid to face him, although
everyone assured her he was a very kd00d. Every time she
thought she might meet him, she ran away. One day she was on the
road which led to town, and she saw approaching a venerable man in
a saffron robe. It was Baba Bitkel. She was terrified. She couldn't
run, but she refused to look. She covered her eyes with her two
hands - but wonder of wonders! the tighter she covered her eyes,
the clearer she saw Baba Bitkel between each of her clenched
fingers. Tell me, who was the old lady?
Baba Bitkel replied: "Hw am i suposed 2 kno?"
Da Kman asked: "y r u getting so defensib?"
n Baba Bitkel knew he was finished...
WHILE Shanky was preaching quietly to his followers, his talk was
interrupted by an unql d00d who believed in miracles, and
thought salvation came from repeating unql words.
Shanky was unable to go on with his talk, and asked the d00d
what he wanted to say.
"The founder of my religion," boasted the d00d, "stood on one
shore of a river with a writing brush in his hand. His disciple
stood on the other shore holding a sheet of paper. And the founder
wrote the holy name of Porashona onto the paper across the river
through the air. Can you do anything so miraculous?"
"No," said Shanky, "I can do only little miracles. Like: when I am
hungry, I eat; when I am thirsty, I drink; when I am insulted, I
forgive."
n da unql d00d was nlytened.
Peace, Yo!
instead of listening, the visitor kept talking about his own
ideas.
After a while, Baba Bitkel served tea. He poured tea into his visitor's
cup until it was full, then he kept on pouring.
Finally the visitor could not restrain himself. "Don't you see
it's full?" he said. "You can't get any more in!"
"Just so," replied Babs Bitkel, stopping at last. "And like this cup,
you are filled with your own ideas. How can you expect me to give
you K unless you offer me an empty cup?"
"lyk dis," sed da bhisitor, n he threw da tea on Baba Bitkel's face
n Baba Bitkel was nlytened.
THE MASTER Gamla said: "Neo, the first wheelmaker, made two
wheels. Each had fifty spokes. Suppose you cut out the hubs? Would
there still be a wheel?"
Manky sed: "d00d how many drugs r u on?"
n Gamla was nlytened.
TWO kMasters, Shanky and Baba Bitkel, were walking down a muddy street in
the city. They came on a lovely young girl dressed in fine silks,
who was afraid to cross because of all the mud.
"Come on, girl," said Shanky. And he picked her up in his arms,
and carried her across.
The two kMasters did not speak again till nightfall. Then, when they
had returned to the monastery, Baba Bitkel couldn't keep quiet any
longer.
"kMasters shouldn't go near girls,' he said ; "certainly not
beautiful ones like that one! Why did you do it?"
"My dear fellow," said Shanky. "I put that girl down, way back in
the city. It's you who are still carrying her!"
Once a student asked old Jimmy: "You teach that we must empty our
minds. I have nothing in my mind. Now what shall I do?"
"Throw it out!" said Jimmy.
"But I have nothing. How can I throw it out?"
"If you can't throw it out, carry it out! Drive it out! Empty it
out! But don't stand there in front of me with nothing in your
mind!"
Da kSTud tried 2 protest..seeing dis, Jimmy lifted an eyebrow
n da Kstud was nlytened.
Dari once asked Neo to explain to him the old
problem of the goose in the bottle. "If a man puts a gosling into
the bottle" he said, "and feeds the gosling through the
bottle-neck until it grows and grows and becomes a goose, and then
there just is no more room inside the bottle, how can the man get
it out without killing the goose, or breaking the bottle?"
"Dari!" shouted Neo, and gave a great clap with his hands.
"Yes, master," said the Dari with a start.
"See!" said Neo, "the goose is out!"
Manky said to Kman: "K is a man hanging from a tree over
a cliff. He is holding on to a twig with his teeth. His hands hold
no branch. His feet find no branch. Up on the cliff-edge a man
shouts at him: 'What is K?'
"If he fails to answer he is lost. If he answers, he dies. What
must he do?"
Kman replied: "_|_"
n Manky was nlytened.
A new kewl skul was to be opened, and the master Manky had to
decide which of his kStuds should be put in charge. So he called
the kStuds together, filled a vase with water, and said to them:
"Which one of you can say what this is without giving its name?"
The chief kStud, who expected to be given the new mastership, spoke
first. "It stands upright, it is hollow inside, but it is not a
wooden shoe," he said.
Another kStud said, "It is not a pond, because it can be carried."
Then the cook, lowest of the kStuds, arose. He kicked over the vase
with his foot, so the water ran out on to the floor. He had shown
how to achieve emptiness.
Manky gave him the job, n no1 was hungry in dat kewl skul eber agen.
But Manky neber got da money 4 da broken bhase.
n Manky was nlytened.
HERE is a story the K masters sometimes told: There was an old
woman who was born in the same town as Baba Bitkel, but ever since she
had been a little girl she had been afraid to face him, although
everyone assured her he was a very kd00d. Every time she
thought she might meet him, she ran away. One day she was on the
road which led to town, and she saw approaching a venerable man in
a saffron robe. It was Baba Bitkel. She was terrified. She couldn't
run, but she refused to look. She covered her eyes with her two
hands - but wonder of wonders! the tighter she covered her eyes,
the clearer she saw Baba Bitkel between each of her clenched
fingers. Tell me, who was the old lady?
Baba Bitkel replied: "Hw am i suposed 2 kno?"
Da Kman asked: "y r u getting so defensib?"
n Baba Bitkel knew he was finished...
WHILE Shanky was preaching quietly to his followers, his talk was
interrupted by an unql d00d who believed in miracles, and
thought salvation came from repeating unql words.
Shanky was unable to go on with his talk, and asked the d00d
what he wanted to say.
"The founder of my religion," boasted the d00d, "stood on one
shore of a river with a writing brush in his hand. His disciple
stood on the other shore holding a sheet of paper. And the founder
wrote the holy name of Porashona onto the paper across the river
through the air. Can you do anything so miraculous?"
"No," said Shanky, "I can do only little miracles. Like: when I am
hungry, I eat; when I am thirsty, I drink; when I am insulted, I
forgive."
n da unql d00d was nlytened.
Peace, Yo!
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Teachings in K, Pt 3
Kman held up his pole and waved it before his kstuds.
"If you call this a pole," he said, "you deny its eternal life.
If you do not call this a pole, you deny its present fact. Tell
me just what do you propose to call it?"
Kstuds: "Tor ..."
At dis, Kman realised his kStuds had attained nlytenment.
a kstud asked of a kMaster: "A man sits on top of a hundred-foot pole. How can he
go farther up?"
anoda kStud answered: "He should reach for enlightenment. Then he can
stand up into all four corners of the sky at once.
Jimmy was standing nearby. He obserbhed: "do u rly want 2 kno?"
da kStud reflected upon dis, n was nlytened.
Shanky said to one of his kStuds, "Can you get hold of Emptiness?"
"I'll try" said the kStud, and he cupped his hands in the air.
"That's not very good," said Shanky. "You haven't got anything in here!"
"Well, master," said the kStud, "please show me a better way."
Thereupon Shanky seized the kStud's nose and gave it a great yank.
"Ouch!" yelled the kStud. "You hurt me!"
"That's the way to get hold of Emptiness!" said Shanky.
n da kStud was nlytened.
Manky said: "Suppose you meet a K master on the road. You can't
talk to him. You can't stand there silent. What can you do?"
Neo sed: "Whack him one."
n Manky was nlytened.
A famus fyter pylot came to a Kstud and asked: "Master,
tell me: is there really a heaven and a hell?"
"Who are you?" asked the Kstud.
"I am a pylot of the great Su-42."
"Nonsense!" said Hakuin. "What kind of Su-42 would have you
around it? To me you look like a beggar!" At this, the pylot
started to rattle his big sword in anger. "Oho!" said da kstud. "So
you have a sword! I'll wager it's much too dull to cut my head
off!"
At this the pylot could not hold himself back. He drew his sword
and threatened the kstud, who said: "Now you know half the
answer! You are opening the gates of hell!"
The pylot drew back, sheathed his sword, and bowed. "Now you
know the other half," said the kstud. "You have opened the gates
of heaven."
da pylot stud 4 sum tym, contempl8ing. den he sed: "Screw dis."
n he cut off da kstud's hed....
da oder kMasters gathered remrked, da pylot is nlytened."
Dari came to a K master, and said: "I am seeking the
k. In what state of mind should I train myself, so as to find
it?"
Said the master, "There is no mind, so you cannot put it in any
state. There is no k, so you cannot train yourself for it."
"If there is no mind to train, and no k to find, why do you
have these kstuds gather before you every day to study k and
train themselves for this study?"
"But I haven't an inch of room here," said the master, so how
could the kstuds gather? I have no tongue, so how could I call them
together or teach them?"
"Oh, how can you lie like this?" asked Dari. "But if I have no
tongue to talk to others, how can I lie to you?" asked the master.
Then Dari said sadly, "I cannot follow you. I cannot understand
you.
"I cannot understand myself," said the master.
n Dari was nlytened.
Basu said to a kStud, "If I see you have a staff, I will give it to
you. If I see you have no staff, I will take it away from you.
da kStud sed: "mukhey churey debo acid."
n Basu was nlytened.
Little Panchu was only twelve years old. But since he was a pupil at
the K temple, he wanted to be given a Klesson to ponder, just
like the more advanced students. So one evening, at the proper
time, he went to the room of Manky, the master, struck the gong
softly to announce his presence, bowed, and sat before the master
in respectful silence.
Finally the master said: "Panchu, show me the sound of two hands
clapping."
Panchu clapped his hands.
"Good," said the master. "Now show me the sound of one hand
clapping."
Panchu was silent. Finally he bowed and left to consider this
problem.
The next night he returned, and struck the gong with one palm.
"That is not right," said the master. The next night Panchu returned
and played drum music with one hand. "That is not right," said
the master. The next night Panchu returned, and imitated the
dripping of water.
"That is not right," said the master. The next night Panchu
returned, and imitated the cricket scraping his leg. "That is
still not right," said the master.
For ten nights Panchu tried new sounds. At last he stopped coming to
the master. For a year he thought of every sound, and discarded
them all, until fnally he reached enlightenment.
He returned respectfully to the master. Without striking the gong,
he sat down and bowed. "I have heard sound without sound," he
said.
Manky hurd da answer. Slowly he rose n came mear Panchu... n slapped him.
"Dat", he sed, "is da sound of one hand clapping."
n Panchu was truly nlytened.
Kman said to his disciples; "Each of you has a pair of ears,
but what have you ever heard with them? Each of you has a mouth,
but what have you ever said with it? Each of you has eyes, but
what have you ever seen with them? No, no! You have never heard,
never spoken, never seen, never smelled. But in such a case where do all these colors, shapes, sounds,smells, come from?"
Gamla was passing by n he oberhurd da Kman n he sed: "_|_"
n da Kman was nlytened.
The master Gamla showed his wisdom even as a child. Once he broke
the precious heirloom teacup of his teacher, and was greatly
upset. While he was wondering what to do, he heard his teacher
coming. Quickly he hid the pieces of the cup under his robe.
"Master," he said, "why do things die?"
"It is perfectly natural for things to die and for the matter
gathered in them to separate and disintegrate," said the teacher.
"When its time has come every person and every thing must go.
"Master," said little Gamla, showing the pieces, "it was time for
your cup to go.
n da teacup was nlytened...it's w8 decreased.
A kstud came before the master Dari and asked to be helped in
getting rid of his violent temper.
"Show me this temper," said Dari. "It sounds very fascinating."
"I haven't got it right now, so I can't show it to you, said the
student.
"Well then," said Dari,"bring it to me when you have it."
"But I can't bring it just when I happen to have it," protested
the student. "I'd surely lose it again before I got it to you.
"In such a case," said Dari, "it seems to me that this temper is
not part of your true nature. If it is not part of you, it must
come into you from outside. I suggest that whenever it gets into
you, you beat yourself with a stick until the temper can't stand
it, and runs away."
n dis is y no1 asks Dari 4 adbhyc.
"If you call this a pole," he said, "you deny its eternal life.
If you do not call this a pole, you deny its present fact. Tell
me just what do you propose to call it?"
Kstuds: "Tor ..."
At dis, Kman realised his kStuds had attained nlytenment.
a kstud asked of a kMaster: "A man sits on top of a hundred-foot pole. How can he
go farther up?"
anoda kStud answered: "He should reach for enlightenment. Then he can
stand up into all four corners of the sky at once.
Jimmy was standing nearby. He obserbhed: "do u rly want 2 kno?"
da kStud reflected upon dis, n was nlytened.
Shanky said to one of his kStuds, "Can you get hold of Emptiness?"
"I'll try" said the kStud, and he cupped his hands in the air.
"That's not very good," said Shanky. "You haven't got anything in here!"
"Well, master," said the kStud, "please show me a better way."
Thereupon Shanky seized the kStud's nose and gave it a great yank.
"Ouch!" yelled the kStud. "You hurt me!"
"That's the way to get hold of Emptiness!" said Shanky.
n da kStud was nlytened.
Manky said: "Suppose you meet a K master on the road. You can't
talk to him. You can't stand there silent. What can you do?"
Neo sed: "Whack him one."
n Manky was nlytened.
A famus fyter pylot came to a Kstud and asked: "Master,
tell me: is there really a heaven and a hell?"
"Who are you?" asked the Kstud.
"I am a pylot of the great Su-42."
"Nonsense!" said Hakuin. "What kind of Su-42 would have you
around it? To me you look like a beggar!" At this, the pylot
started to rattle his big sword in anger. "Oho!" said da kstud. "So
you have a sword! I'll wager it's much too dull to cut my head
off!"
At this the pylot could not hold himself back. He drew his sword
and threatened the kstud, who said: "Now you know half the
answer! You are opening the gates of hell!"
The pylot drew back, sheathed his sword, and bowed. "Now you
know the other half," said the kstud. "You have opened the gates
of heaven."
da pylot stud 4 sum tym, contempl8ing. den he sed: "Screw dis."
n he cut off da kstud's hed....
da oder kMasters gathered remrked, da pylot is nlytened."
Dari came to a K master, and said: "I am seeking the
k. In what state of mind should I train myself, so as to find
it?"
Said the master, "There is no mind, so you cannot put it in any
state. There is no k, so you cannot train yourself for it."
"If there is no mind to train, and no k to find, why do you
have these kstuds gather before you every day to study k and
train themselves for this study?"
"But I haven't an inch of room here," said the master, so how
could the kstuds gather? I have no tongue, so how could I call them
together or teach them?"
"Oh, how can you lie like this?" asked Dari. "But if I have no
tongue to talk to others, how can I lie to you?" asked the master.
Then Dari said sadly, "I cannot follow you. I cannot understand
you.
"I cannot understand myself," said the master.
n Dari was nlytened.
Basu said to a kStud, "If I see you have a staff, I will give it to
you. If I see you have no staff, I will take it away from you.
da kStud sed: "mukhey churey debo acid."
n Basu was nlytened.
Little Panchu was only twelve years old. But since he was a pupil at
the K temple, he wanted to be given a Klesson to ponder, just
like the more advanced students. So one evening, at the proper
time, he went to the room of Manky, the master, struck the gong
softly to announce his presence, bowed, and sat before the master
in respectful silence.
Finally the master said: "Panchu, show me the sound of two hands
clapping."
Panchu clapped his hands.
"Good," said the master. "Now show me the sound of one hand
clapping."
Panchu was silent. Finally he bowed and left to consider this
problem.
The next night he returned, and struck the gong with one palm.
"That is not right," said the master. The next night Panchu returned
and played drum music with one hand. "That is not right," said
the master. The next night Panchu returned, and imitated the
dripping of water.
"That is not right," said the master. The next night Panchu
returned, and imitated the cricket scraping his leg. "That is
still not right," said the master.
For ten nights Panchu tried new sounds. At last he stopped coming to
the master. For a year he thought of every sound, and discarded
them all, until fnally he reached enlightenment.
He returned respectfully to the master. Without striking the gong,
he sat down and bowed. "I have heard sound without sound," he
said.
Manky hurd da answer. Slowly he rose n came mear Panchu... n slapped him.
"Dat", he sed, "is da sound of one hand clapping."
n Panchu was truly nlytened.
Kman said to his disciples; "Each of you has a pair of ears,
but what have you ever heard with them? Each of you has a mouth,
but what have you ever said with it? Each of you has eyes, but
what have you ever seen with them? No, no! You have never heard,
never spoken, never seen, never smelled. But in such a case where do all these colors, shapes, sounds,smells, come from?"
Gamla was passing by n he oberhurd da Kman n he sed: "_|_"
n da Kman was nlytened.
The master Gamla showed his wisdom even as a child. Once he broke
the precious heirloom teacup of his teacher, and was greatly
upset. While he was wondering what to do, he heard his teacher
coming. Quickly he hid the pieces of the cup under his robe.
"Master," he said, "why do things die?"
"It is perfectly natural for things to die and for the matter
gathered in them to separate and disintegrate," said the teacher.
"When its time has come every person and every thing must go.
"Master," said little Gamla, showing the pieces, "it was time for
your cup to go.
n da teacup was nlytened...it's w8 decreased.
A kstud came before the master Dari and asked to be helped in
getting rid of his violent temper.
"Show me this temper," said Dari. "It sounds very fascinating."
"I haven't got it right now, so I can't show it to you, said the
student.
"Well then," said Dari,"bring it to me when you have it."
"But I can't bring it just when I happen to have it," protested
the student. "I'd surely lose it again before I got it to you.
"In such a case," said Dari, "it seems to me that this temper is
not part of your true nature. If it is not part of you, it must
come into you from outside. I suggest that whenever it gets into
you, you beat yourself with a stick until the temper can't stand
it, and runs away."
n dis is y no1 asks Dari 4 adbhyc.
A new kStud came up to the master Manky. "I have just entered the
brotherhood and I am anxious to learn the first principle of K,"
he said. "Will you please teach it to me?"
Manky said, "Have you eaten your supper?"
The novice answered, "I have eaten."
Manky said, "Now wash your bowl."
n da kStud was nlytened.
Peace, Yo!
Lessons in K Pt. 2: Da Chaapless Chaap
A Gamla asked a Kstud when he was weighing some flax: `What is K?'
Da Kstud said: `This flax weighs three pounds.'
Da Gamla said: 'Tor ...'
n da Kstud was nlytened
Dari asked Jack: `The world is such a wide world, why do you answer a bell and don ceremonial robes?'
Jim replied: 'Would u rather dat he didnt don ne robe?'
n Dari was nlytened
Gamla asked Manky: `What is the path?'
Manky said: `Everyday life is the path.'
Gamla asked: `Can it be studied?'
Manky said: `If you try to study, you will be far away from it.'
Gamla asked: `If I do not study, how can I know it is the path?'
Manky said: `Tor m*key.'
At these words Gamla was enlightened.
A Kstud asked Neo: `What is K?' Neo answered him: `Dried dung.'
n da Kstud was nlytened.
A Kstud asked Kman: `Without speaking, without silence, how can you express the truth?'
Kman replied: _|_
n da Kstud was nlytened.
Shanky of da kewl skul was about to lecture before dinner when he noticed that the bamboo screen lowered for meditation had not been rolled up. He pointed to it. Two Kstuds arose from the audience and rolled it up.
Shanky, observing the physical mobhement, said: `The phuchaar of the first Kstud is good, not that of the other.'
Dari was studying K under Shanky. One night he came to Shanky and asked many questions. The teacher said: `The night is getting old. Why don't you retire?'
So Daribowed and opened the screen to go out, observing: `It is very dark outside.'
Shanky offered Dari a lighted candle to find his way. Just as Dari received it, Shanky blew it out. At that moment the mind of Dari was opened.
`What have you attained?' asked Shanky.
Dari sed: 'I hab attained nlytenment. My w8 decreases'
At dat moment, Shanky pushed Dari down da stairs.
n Dari was nlytened.
A travelling Kstud asked an old woman the road to da kewl skul, a popular Kplace supposed to give wisdom to the one who goes there. The old woman said: `Go straight ahead.' When the Kstud proceeded a few steps, she said to herself: `He also is a common k-doer.'
Someone told this incident to Manky, who said: `Wait until I investigate.' The next day he went and asked the same question, and the old woman gave the same answer.
Manky remarked: `I have investigated that old woman.'
n da Kstud was nlytened.
Da old woman hurd dis, sed 2 Manky: 'Tor ...'
n Manky was nlytened.
Peace, Yo!
Da Kstud said: `This flax weighs three pounds.'
Da Gamla said: 'Tor ...'
n da Kstud was nlytened
Dari asked Jack: `The world is such a wide world, why do you answer a bell and don ceremonial robes?'
Jim replied: 'Would u rather dat he didnt don ne robe?'
n Dari was nlytened
Gamla asked Manky: `What is the path?'
Manky said: `Everyday life is the path.'
Gamla asked: `Can it be studied?'
Manky said: `If you try to study, you will be far away from it.'
Gamla asked: `If I do not study, how can I know it is the path?'
Manky said: `Tor m*key.'
At these words Gamla was enlightened.
A Kstud asked Neo: `What is K?' Neo answered him: `Dried dung.'
n da Kstud was nlytened.
A Kstud asked Kman: `Without speaking, without silence, how can you express the truth?'
Kman replied: _|_
n da Kstud was nlytened.
Shanky of da kewl skul was about to lecture before dinner when he noticed that the bamboo screen lowered for meditation had not been rolled up. He pointed to it. Two Kstuds arose from the audience and rolled it up.
Shanky, observing the physical mobhement, said: `The phuchaar of the first Kstud is good, not that of the other.'
Dari was studying K under Shanky. One night he came to Shanky and asked many questions. The teacher said: `The night is getting old. Why don't you retire?'
So Daribowed and opened the screen to go out, observing: `It is very dark outside.'
Shanky offered Dari a lighted candle to find his way. Just as Dari received it, Shanky blew it out. At that moment the mind of Dari was opened.
`What have you attained?' asked Shanky.
Dari sed: 'I hab attained nlytenment. My w8 decreases'
At dat moment, Shanky pushed Dari down da stairs.
n Dari was nlytened.
A travelling Kstud asked an old woman the road to da kewl skul, a popular Kplace supposed to give wisdom to the one who goes there. The old woman said: `Go straight ahead.' When the Kstud proceeded a few steps, she said to herself: `He also is a common k-doer.'
Someone told this incident to Manky, who said: `Wait until I investigate.' The next day he went and asked the same question, and the old woman gave the same answer.
Manky remarked: `I have investigated that old woman.'
n da Kstud was nlytened.
Da old woman hurd dis, sed 2 Manky: 'Tor ...'
n Manky was nlytened.
Peace, Yo!
Monday, May 21, 2007
Lessons in K
A Kstud asked Manky, a K master: `Has a cow K-nature or not?'
Manky answered: `Moo.'
Manky raised his finger whenever he was asked a question about K. A boy attendant began to imitate him in this way. When anyone asked the boy what his master had preached about, the boy would raise his finger.
Manky heard about the boy's mischief. He seized him and cut off his finger. The boy cried and ran away. Manky called and stopped him. When the boy turned his head to Manky, Manky raised up his own finger. In that instant the boy was enlightened.
When Manky was about to pass from this world he gathered his Kstuds around him. `I attained my finger-K,' he said, `from my teacher Foo, and in my whole life I could not exhaust it.' Then he passed away.
Neo asked: `Why does the enlightened man not stand on his feet and explain himself?' And he also said: `It is not necessary for speech to come from the tongue.'
Two students of K were arguing about a pole. One said: `The pole is moving.'
The other said: `The wind is moving.'
The Kman happened to be passing by. He told them: `Not the wind, not the pole; ur mind is moving.'
Shanky complained when he saw a picture of the bearded Dari: `Why hasn't that fellow a beard?'
Da Kman sed: Bhonjo!
n Shanky was nlytened
Dari called out to himself every day: `Master.'
Then he answered himself: `Yes, sir.'
And after that he added: `Become sober.'
Again he answered: `Yes, sir.'
`And after that,' he continued, `do not be deceived by others.'
`Yes, sir; yes, sir,' he answered.
Neo went to the dining room from the K hall holding his bowl. Dari was on duty cooking. When he met Neo he said: `The dinner ball is not yet beaten. Where are you going with your bowl?'
So Neo returned to his room.
Dari told Shanky about this. Shanky said: `Old Neo did not understand the ultimate k.'
Neo heard of this remark and asked Shanky to come to him. `I have heard,' he said, `you are not approving my K.' Shanky admitted this indirectly. Neo said nothing.
The next day Neo delivered an entirely different kind of lecture to the Kstuds. Shanky laughed and clapped his hands, saying: `I see our old man understands the ultimate truth indeed. None in keo can surpass him.'
Neo saw the Kstuds fighting over a pole. He seized the pole and told the monks: `If any of you say a good word, you can save the pole.'
No one answered. So Neo boldly cut the pole in two pieces.
That evening Manky returned and Neo told him about this. Manky removed his sandals and, placing them on his head, walked out.
Neo said: `If you had been there, you could have saved the pole.'
Shanky called to his attendant: `Mota.'
Mota answered: `Yes.'
Shanky repeated, to test his pupil: `Mota.'
Mota repeated: `Yes.'
Shanky called: `Mota.'
Mota answered: `Yes.'
Shanky said `I ought to apologize for you for all this calling, but really you ought to apologize to me.'
Mota answered: 'Tor ...'
n Shanky was nlytened
Peace, Yo!
Manky answered: `Moo.'
Manky raised his finger whenever he was asked a question about K. A boy attendant began to imitate him in this way. When anyone asked the boy what his master had preached about, the boy would raise his finger.
Manky heard about the boy's mischief. He seized him and cut off his finger. The boy cried and ran away. Manky called and stopped him. When the boy turned his head to Manky, Manky raised up his own finger. In that instant the boy was enlightened.
When Manky was about to pass from this world he gathered his Kstuds around him. `I attained my finger-K,' he said, `from my teacher Foo, and in my whole life I could not exhaust it.' Then he passed away.
Neo asked: `Why does the enlightened man not stand on his feet and explain himself?' And he also said: `It is not necessary for speech to come from the tongue.'
Two students of K were arguing about a pole. One said: `The pole is moving.'
The other said: `The wind is moving.'
The Kman happened to be passing by. He told them: `Not the wind, not the pole; ur mind is moving.'
Shanky complained when he saw a picture of the bearded Dari: `Why hasn't that fellow a beard?'
Da Kman sed: Bhonjo!
n Shanky was nlytened
Dari called out to himself every day: `Master.'
Then he answered himself: `Yes, sir.'
And after that he added: `Become sober.'
Again he answered: `Yes, sir.'
`And after that,' he continued, `do not be deceived by others.'
`Yes, sir; yes, sir,' he answered.
Neo went to the dining room from the K hall holding his bowl. Dari was on duty cooking. When he met Neo he said: `The dinner ball is not yet beaten. Where are you going with your bowl?'
So Neo returned to his room.
Dari told Shanky about this. Shanky said: `Old Neo did not understand the ultimate k.'
Neo heard of this remark and asked Shanky to come to him. `I have heard,' he said, `you are not approving my K.' Shanky admitted this indirectly. Neo said nothing.
The next day Neo delivered an entirely different kind of lecture to the Kstuds. Shanky laughed and clapped his hands, saying: `I see our old man understands the ultimate truth indeed. None in keo can surpass him.'
Neo saw the Kstuds fighting over a pole. He seized the pole and told the monks: `If any of you say a good word, you can save the pole.'
No one answered. So Neo boldly cut the pole in two pieces.
That evening Manky returned and Neo told him about this. Manky removed his sandals and, placing them on his head, walked out.
Neo said: `If you had been there, you could have saved the pole.'
Shanky called to his attendant: `Mota.'
Mota answered: `Yes.'
Shanky repeated, to test his pupil: `Mota.'
Mota repeated: `Yes.'
Shanky called: `Mota.'
Mota answered: `Yes.'
Shanky said `I ought to apologize for you for all this calling, but really you ought to apologize to me.'
Mota answered: 'Tor ...'
n Shanky was nlytened
Peace, Yo!
y u shud NOT hold deb8s in our class
Englis deb8:
Original Topik: Intellectually chal..sorry..quaified ppl shud go 2 da west
arjun: arey...eastey ja aar westey ja...eki byapar toh! ektu beshi ghurlei easte thkey wetsy pouchey jabi!
shank: u hab a point der! america is axully closer 2 da east!
neo: ok den...1st 5 mins amra probe korbo jey east = west
*deb8 rages on...topic has changed 2 y science is b8r in da west*
aritra(agenst da moshun): but, u dont need adbhanced scientific instruments 2 lurn science...
neo (for): hey aritra..temme...u'll agree dat da most adbhances in fy6 in da last 50 yrs hab bin in da field of particle fy6?
aritra(perks up @ da thot of particle fy6): yah..sure!
neo: temme...if u dont hab a hadron collider how on urth do u study subatomic fy6?
aritra: :-\
*5 mins l8r*
arkayan: u see, da topic was....(axully sez sumthing srs)...
ebry1: dhusala..chup kor...(in 4nt of da teacher)
*5 mor mins l8r...topik changed agen...y der r mor facilities 2 study in da west*
aritra: but u cannot guarantee dat all of da gr8est scientists hab had gr8 facilities 2 study in...newton...edison...dey din hab all dese facilities
me: sala, newton was da professor of math in ox4d! ur sayin he din hab facilities?
shank: edison had books....we dun hab dat same lebhel of boks here
aritra: yes...we do hab dose boks here
me: aritra, tell me..hab u bin 2 da park circus library?
aritra: no
me; of kourse u habnt....it doesnt xist
aritra: :-|
EBE deb8
topic: EBE shud b introdyuced in syllibus..
Neo: Peace!
Ebry1: Heil Neo! (Nazi salute)
Neo: i hab a frnd..
ebry1: *shocked xpression*
neo: b4 EBE..he used 2 b enbhironmentally conscious...he used 2 turn off da tap...n recycle ebrything
ebry1: Ebrything?
neo: sorry..NOT ebrything..MOST things...neway, last tym wen i met him...i saw dat he had stopped duin enbhironmenty things...he doesnt turn off da tap nemor...i asked him y..n he sed, "mah teech sed i suk @ EBE. so i wanna sho ppl dt i suk @ EBE"..so, we can c dat EBE is a set of bhaluez dat we instill in ourslebhes...@ da most it is just a special case of Moral Science.
Teach: :O (thnx: no phuchaar!)
Peace, Yo!
Original Topik: Intellectually chal..sorry..quaified ppl shud go 2 da west
arjun: arey...eastey ja aar westey ja...eki byapar toh! ektu beshi ghurlei easte thkey wetsy pouchey jabi!
shank: u hab a point der! america is axully closer 2 da east!
neo: ok den...1st 5 mins amra probe korbo jey east = west
*deb8 rages on...topic has changed 2 y science is b8r in da west*
aritra(agenst da moshun): but, u dont need adbhanced scientific instruments 2 lurn science...
neo (for): hey aritra..temme...u'll agree dat da most adbhances in fy6 in da last 50 yrs hab bin in da field of particle fy6?
aritra(perks up @ da thot of particle fy6): yah..sure!
neo: temme...if u dont hab a hadron collider how on urth do u study subatomic fy6?
aritra: :-\
*5 mins l8r*
arkayan: u see, da topic was....(axully sez sumthing srs)...
ebry1: dhusala..chup kor...(in 4nt of da teacher)
*5 mor mins l8r...topik changed agen...y der r mor facilities 2 study in da west*
aritra: but u cannot guarantee dat all of da gr8est scientists hab had gr8 facilities 2 study in...newton...edison...dey din hab all dese facilities
me: sala, newton was da professor of math in ox4d! ur sayin he din hab facilities?
shank: edison had books....we dun hab dat same lebhel of boks here
aritra: yes...we do hab dose boks here
me: aritra, tell me..hab u bin 2 da park circus library?
aritra: no
me; of kourse u habnt....it doesnt xist
aritra: :-|
EBE deb8
topic: EBE shud b introdyuced in syllibus..
Neo: Peace!
Ebry1: Heil Neo! (Nazi salute)
Neo: i hab a frnd..
ebry1: *shocked xpression*
neo: b4 EBE..he used 2 b enbhironmentally conscious...he used 2 turn off da tap...n recycle ebrything
ebry1: Ebrything?
neo: sorry..NOT ebrything..MOST things...neway, last tym wen i met him...i saw dat he had stopped duin enbhironmenty things...he doesnt turn off da tap nemor...i asked him y..n he sed, "mah teech sed i suk @ EBE. so i wanna sho ppl dt i suk @ EBE"..so, we can c dat EBE is a set of bhaluez dat we instill in ourslebhes...@ da most it is just a special case of Moral Science.
Teach: :O (thnx: no phuchaar!)
Peace, Yo!
Thursday, May 17, 2007
bak in blak
lon tym no blogging...sorry....chaap hoy gechilo...axully not so much chaap as *habing*waaaaaay*2*much*fun*...:)
neway...dis is wat's bin happening in class nowadayz....
PROCEEDINGS in Cl 11 sec. K (yes, it's officially bin renamed)
-> chem: teech gibs sums...we copy down da sums...n da answers r giben by aritra mitra...wch r promptly copied down by da bak benchers...1 day, teech cums round 2 bak of class...
teech (2 apro): Ki re, parchis?
*apror khatay 2to onko copy kora...aar koyekta drawing kora*
apro: (cobering his drawings) ha sir parchi!
teech: gud gud!
me: sir, how do u do dat sum?
teech: blah blah (goes away)
apro: r ektu holei mortam!
-> fy6: teech gibs sums...shanky n tommy do da onko in der khata...neo snores...n i *try* 2 solbe da sum using shank'z programming calcul8r...
teech: do dis sum (reffering 2 humongus bhector sum)
(5 mins l8r)
aritra: maam, da ans is ....
shnk: no, da ans is ...
tommy: nana...ans hoche p-ij (loudly)
*bakbenchers laff...teech n marus clueless...tommy xplains p-ij concept 2 a maru..maru falls down due 2 k-oberload*
teech: mohan, wats da ans?
me: ma'am hold on...*furiously punching calci keys*..ma'am da ans is: "stack error"
teech: :-|
shank: wat did u do wit ma calci?
me: ami ki jani? tor stack eto choto keno?
*****************************************************************************************
anoda day...anoda class...anoda day spnt in bhain by teech trying 2 bhectorize us...
teech: do dis sum..
me: shanky gib ur calci
*starts pressing keys @ random...i dont notice da teech standing bhynd me*
me: (after getting anoda stack error) dur...tor stack ta boro korish na keno?
shanky: Math error peley ki Mathta boro kortey bolbi?
teech: (teech has bin luking @ mah copy ol dis tym) is dis ur regular fy6 copy?
*note: if u dunno abt mah fy6 copy...lemme tell u...it started out as mah fy6 copy in cl 10...den it became mah geogo copy...now its mah fy6 copy..also, shanky n aritra thnk it is their pribhilege 2 scribble/draw w/e it is dat dey cum up wit....result...da copy luks lyk a cross betn a war zone and a rhesus monkey's bottom...da particular page dat da teech was luking @ had:
1. a sum on projectyl moshun
2. da words: "CaO + Ra = CaORa under hy chaap"
3. a drawing of da WTC
4. da fysical features of myanmar*
me: yesh maam
(i close da copy n sho her da subject name: "fysix..she takes da copy n gibs it da 1ce ober...she turns da page...n cums upon: "electromagnet - it is a magnet wch runs on electricity"...she mentally thnx no phuchaar)
teech: u shud buy a nu copy...u will need a big copy in cl 11
me: ma'am, da stashunery doesnt hab ne mor big copies
teech: buy it 4m outsyd
me: in my area, der r no shops....(pechon theke keu bollo: ma'am, molla paray thakey)
teech: :-| (goes away)
neo: ma'am, luk @ mah copy...sold under pobherty debhelopment scheme 4 Rs 2....
teech: no phuchaar!
-> Englis: walter mitty's karakter analysis
teech: so we c dat WM is a dreamer
shank: ma'am i thnk he was skizofrenic...dat is y he knew so much abt ol dose medical terms..
tommy: ma'am, he was neurotic...
shank: ma'am wat is coreopsis? i thnk he was a doctor..odawyz he wudnt kno abt coreopsis..
me: ma'am he was a german double agent hu flew sea-planes and duble crossed da allies...
teech: :o..WTF? den she rembrs wch class she is in...n tells me 2 sit down..
neo: ma'am, i was just 1dering, hu dis Dr. ren**shaw is?
teech: he is a person hu has no phuchaar...lyk u...
-> Comp:
scene: teech is chatting wit 2 maru brownnosers...
sayan n basu: ei tui or pechon theke ghurey ashtey parbi na
me: dara... (stands up...n walks around da class...goes behynd teech, xamines da board...cums bak)
neo does da same 4m da oder syd...
sayan n basu: no phuchaar... ( dey get up n walk arnd da class)
*me, neo sayan n basu...ol perambul8in da class...teech is blissfully ignorant*
me: (2 teech) sir, CCTB's will b installed in ebry class?
tommy: sir, inbhasion of pribhacy!!
me: sir, da principal will teach us bhalue edcashun....after watching us thru da camera? isnt der a conflict of intrest sumwer?
teech: :-|
me: sir, turbo c++ is 30 yrs old...der is only 1 syt wer u can dl it...n its called antiksoftware.com
teech: so?
me: sir, y do we hab 2 lurn antik software? we can crack da latest edishun of TC n use dat, cant we?
teech: no, principal wont allow..
me: :-| how will he kno?
teech: he knoz..he knoz...
*WTF? we watch mobhies lyk eragon on disks wch r so obiously pirated dey wud make capn. jak sparrow blush wit shame....n we cant use TURBO C++ bhersion 5? how is dat justified?
oh, n by the way, my skul comp is infected wit BRONTOK.A bhirus...resarch showed..IT'S A MOBYL BHIRUS...shadhe boli, no phuchaar?*
-sum parts r obiously fixional...but most of it is tr00-
Peace, Yo!
neway...dis is wat's bin happening in class nowadayz....
PROCEEDINGS in Cl 11 sec. K (yes, it's officially bin renamed)
-> chem: teech gibs sums...we copy down da sums...n da answers r giben by aritra mitra...wch r promptly copied down by da bak benchers...1 day, teech cums round 2 bak of class...
teech (2 apro): Ki re, parchis?
*apror khatay 2to onko copy kora...aar koyekta drawing kora*
apro: (cobering his drawings) ha sir parchi!
teech: gud gud!
me: sir, how do u do dat sum?
teech: blah blah (goes away)
apro: r ektu holei mortam!
-> fy6: teech gibs sums...shanky n tommy do da onko in der khata...neo snores...n i *try* 2 solbe da sum using shank'z programming calcul8r...
teech: do dis sum (reffering 2 humongus bhector sum)
(5 mins l8r)
aritra: maam, da ans is ....
shnk: no, da ans is ...
tommy: nana...ans hoche p-ij (loudly)
*bakbenchers laff...teech n marus clueless...tommy xplains p-ij concept 2 a maru..maru falls down due 2 k-oberload*
teech: mohan, wats da ans?
me: ma'am hold on...*furiously punching calci keys*..ma'am da ans is: "stack error"
teech: :-|
shank: wat did u do wit ma calci?
me: ami ki jani? tor stack eto choto keno?
*****************************************************************************************
anoda day...anoda class...anoda day spnt in bhain by teech trying 2 bhectorize us...
teech: do dis sum..
me: shanky gib ur calci
*starts pressing keys @ random...i dont notice da teech standing bhynd me*
me: (after getting anoda stack error) dur...tor stack ta boro korish na keno?
shanky: Math error peley ki Mathta boro kortey bolbi?
teech: (teech has bin luking @ mah copy ol dis tym) is dis ur regular fy6 copy?
*note: if u dunno abt mah fy6 copy...lemme tell u...it started out as mah fy6 copy in cl 10...den it became mah geogo copy...now its mah fy6 copy..also, shanky n aritra thnk it is their pribhilege 2 scribble/draw w/e it is dat dey cum up wit....result...da copy luks lyk a cross betn a war zone and a rhesus monkey's bottom...da particular page dat da teech was luking @ had:
1. a sum on projectyl moshun
2. da words: "CaO + Ra = CaORa under hy chaap"
3. a drawing of da WTC
4. da fysical features of myanmar*
me: yesh maam
(i close da copy n sho her da subject name: "fysix..she takes da copy n gibs it da 1ce ober...she turns da page...n cums upon: "electromagnet - it is a magnet wch runs on electricity"...she mentally thnx no phuchaar)
teech: u shud buy a nu copy...u will need a big copy in cl 11
me: ma'am, da stashunery doesnt hab ne mor big copies
teech: buy it 4m outsyd
me: in my area, der r no shops....(pechon theke keu bollo: ma'am, molla paray thakey)
teech: :-| (goes away)
neo: ma'am, luk @ mah copy...sold under pobherty debhelopment scheme 4 Rs 2....
teech: no phuchaar!
-> Englis: walter mitty's karakter analysis
teech: so we c dat WM is a dreamer
shank: ma'am i thnk he was skizofrenic...dat is y he knew so much abt ol dose medical terms..
tommy: ma'am, he was neurotic...
shank: ma'am wat is coreopsis? i thnk he was a doctor..odawyz he wudnt kno abt coreopsis..
me: ma'am he was a german double agent hu flew sea-planes and duble crossed da allies...
teech: :o..WTF? den she rembrs wch class she is in...n tells me 2 sit down..
neo: ma'am, i was just 1dering, hu dis Dr. ren**shaw is?
teech: he is a person hu has no phuchaar...lyk u...
-> Comp:
scene: teech is chatting wit 2 maru brownnosers...
sayan n basu: ei tui or pechon theke ghurey ashtey parbi na
me: dara... (stands up...n walks around da class...goes behynd teech, xamines da board...cums bak)
neo does da same 4m da oder syd...
sayan n basu: no phuchaar... ( dey get up n walk arnd da class)
*me, neo sayan n basu...ol perambul8in da class...teech is blissfully ignorant*
me: (2 teech) sir, CCTB's will b installed in ebry class?
tommy: sir, inbhasion of pribhacy!!
me: sir, da principal will teach us bhalue edcashun....after watching us thru da camera? isnt der a conflict of intrest sumwer?
teech: :-|
me: sir, turbo c++ is 30 yrs old...der is only 1 syt wer u can dl it...n its called antiksoftware.com
teech: so?
me: sir, y do we hab 2 lurn antik software? we can crack da latest edishun of TC n use dat, cant we?
teech: no, principal wont allow..
me: :-| how will he kno?
teech: he knoz..he knoz...
*WTF? we watch mobhies lyk eragon on disks wch r so obiously pirated dey wud make capn. jak sparrow blush wit shame....n we cant use TURBO C++ bhersion 5? how is dat justified?
oh, n by the way, my skul comp is infected wit BRONTOK.A bhirus...resarch showed..IT'S A MOBYL BHIRUS...shadhe boli, no phuchaar?*
-sum parts r obiously fixional...but most of it is tr00-
Peace, Yo!
Monday, April 2, 2007
Things dat r wrong wit mah comp….
- Spyke buster (spyke busted da spyke buster…din get it fixed…comps bin running witout spyke buster 4 a year now…spyke buster is now used as a source for parts for sum of my ‘xperiments’)
- UPS (refer 2 last post)
- CPU
- Hard disk axess lyt is intermittent…it knos morse code…it kips on blinking on n off…eben tho der is no activity goin on…
- RAM – 128 MB…8mb shared wit video card…nuff sed…oh n btw, DDR RAM…not DDR2….it wasn’t invented wen mah comp was built….go figure
- USB ports…*teknikally* I hab 4 USB ports..in reality I hab 2 ports…on da oder hands da devices in my haus dat require USB axess:
i. Digicam
ii. Webcam
iii. Mom’s fone
iv. Dad’s fone
v. Printer
vi. Mous
vii. Broadband modem
So, as u can well imagine…a large part of mah computing day is spent kneelin bhynd da CPU, swiching devyces in n out of ports…oh n did I mention, da CPU’s urth connexion is not very gud?…so ummm….certain parts of body do develop a potential differens betn da cabinet n da ground…da potential differens effectively gets nyutralized thru da least resistant path…i.e. my torso…my father beliebes dat its gud 4 helth as I get recharged by da shok…2 dat I can only say, “wat sorta god 4saken devyc needs 2 get recharged 2wyc daily??? N dat too at 220 volts AC???”
d. Fan – hab u cn mah PC fan? If u habnt lemme gib u a brief descripshun…
HISTORIKAL BAKGRND
Circa 1960 A.D….locashun: Xerox Parc … sum bored byurokraik pencil pusher notes dat da ENIAC 3 machine is getting rather hot for smooth operations..he has a brlnt bren wave (instead of just a brnlt wave…wch is sumthing he was desper8ly in need of)…putting a fan insyd da computer room 2 blow hot air out…
Present day: dat historical fan stil per4ms its correctly ordained funxion…albeit in more ignomious surroundings…n in considerable violashun of da noise pollushun regulations in 4ce in da area…
Algoridm 4 fan’s working:
1. Start
2. if (mood is good) then start rotation @ 4 rpm
3. else stop
4. if (has been rotating 4 2 mins) tym 4 a brk, stop
5. if (ambient temperature>30 C) Giv up, stop
6. if
(ambient temperature < 20 C) protest agenst workplaces condishuns...stop
7. if
(musik volume < 100 dB) commens loud noise..
8. if (musik volume > 100 dB) commens even louder noise…
9. if (machine has bin kikd) rotate 4 3 seconds then stop.
10. STOP
Da chances of da fan working 4 5 mins witout stopping or making a grinding noise are slimmer dan an Ethiopian peasant on a hunger stryke… My haus has axully bin declared a no-fly zone by da IAF due 2 an alarming tendency displayed by overflying MiG 21 aircraft 2 jus “giv up” after hearing da noise of mah fan… we are axully not allowed 2 throw away our computer as junk bcuz our fan is apparently as ‘historical treasure’ or sumthing lyk dat….
Nex tym, we’ll move hyer up da trobles chain….
Peace, Yo!
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Techno Travails
Trabails with technology - Computer...
I was chking out Monsieur M's blog n i came across his computer troubles...kinda remynded me of my computer...only about a hundred tymes worse. *sheds tears of heaven*
Ebryday as I start mah comp…oh did I say strt? I ment hammer the two contact points in 4nt of da mother bord 2geda….ohk meve dats a lil 2 xtreme…here wat rly happns:
Scene: Mah house
Important Karakters: Me, Computer, Recently purchased Fyr xtinguisher
Act I Scene 1:
Me: Lets start ze comp!
*fynds fuze…(fuze is kept separated cuz 150 yr old wyring curkit in haus is prone to sending 200 v power surcharges in2 da circuit..)..plugs fuse in2 da fuze holder..puts switch in2 on position (switch is one of dose blak n white types, whch u hab 2 push up n down)…puts on UPS switch…(lil histry of UPS: UPS was first bought in da yr ~1999…bin working ever sins…lemme refraze dat…bin PLUGGED in ever sins…da battery ran out arnd 6 mths ago…UPS doesn’t provide bak up wen power goes down..on da contrary…wen da UPS gets overheated, IT SHUTS DOWN, of its own accord!!…trust me…I hab lukd thru da wyring circuits of UPS systems available on da net..n NONE of dem hab temperature controlled auto-shut-offs!! I gess my UPS is spcl…jus lyk ebry oda piece of technology I hab ever owned (or cum in kontakt wit neway))..UPS sputters 2 lyf…*
Me: *prays 2 ol Hindu gods…offers sacrifyc 2 ol 4 mosques arnd hous…n performs fyr sacrifice 2 zoro-astrian fyr god*
*Pushes comp start-up switch n grits teeth…da monster awakens…n da neighbours run 2 secure watever loose odds-n-ends are lying around deir haus…da HDD makes a grinding noise loud enuf 2 release enuf sound enrgy 2 put even da lyt combat aircraft in2 orbit…(n we ol kno how hy da LCA can go on its own power…xactly 0.0F metres)…da power LED lyts up briefly….n den goes out agen…ol arnd da haus dogs howl n writhe in pain as da ultrasonic waves emitted by da FDD drives dem mad…ol wyrless devices withing 2.5 km automatically reset themselves to 2.4 Ghz…a passing airliner becums so depressed dat it decydes 2 plunge down 2 da grnd…n da grinding noise continues*
Me: Yay! Choleche!
**Comp hears mah xultation..decydes dat it is under 2 much stress…n promptly conks off…da neighbours cum out of thir bomb shelters thinking dat da monster has breathed it’s last….i press da on switch agen…….*repeat previous steps* Windowz boots up…startup sound starts 2 play…gets cut off in da middle wit a dull n ominous squelch*
Me: brlnt! Nu record!…only 1 min 13 seconds (STOPWATCHEY MAPA TYM!!)
Srsly, compared 2 myn, Monsiur M’s computer is lyk a demi god…Konsidaar da facts:
OMG….dxdiag hanged mah comp!!! Im not even sure weda it shud be hanged or hung!!!
Peace, Yo!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
English essay: My first flight
Flying in the air like a bird was my dream ever since I was a small child. But I did not ever get a chance to fly in an aeroplane. When I was a little boy in my native village, my father died, and I had to look after my family. Bringing up my three younger sisters and marrying them off required a dowry. The strain on my finances did not allow me to fulfill my dream of flying in an aeroplane.
However, now, at fifty years of age, I can finally fulfill my dream. My son, who works in a multinational company, has sent me a ticket for me to go and meet him in the city of Bengaluru. The ticket was an air-ticket – from Patna to Bengaluru on Air Deccan flight no. 420.
I arrived in Patna from my village by train. From the station I took a taxi to the airport. I was extremely nervous about how the airport would be. I hoped that they would not refuse to let me on the plane because of my rustic looks.
However, when I arrived at the airport, all my fears were set to rest, because I saw hat it was not much different from a railway station. There were a lot of people who looked like it was the first time on an airplane for them too. I now took courage – surely they would not throw all of us out of the plane?
However, looking at the vast multitudes of people I began to wonder how all the people would be accommodated on the plane. Panic seized me, I knew that I had to get on the plane as soon as possible.
Looking around, I saw a person sitting behind a counter with the same logo as my ticket. I presented my ticket to him. He looked ai it and told me in Hindi to a place where there was another counter with the same logo. When I arrived there, the lady behind the counter asked me for my name and other details, and them gave me an important-looking piece of paper, and told me to go to a place called “Security Check”.
As soon as I reached the place, I was scared. I saw two policemen with big guns standing on either side of me. In front of me, another policeman was asking a man some questions with a table-tennis racquet shaped thing in his hand. I started shaking, because I knew that the policeman would take me to jail. I closed my eyes and prayed to all the Gods that I knew of, to save me. My prayers were answered, it seems, for after making some beeping noises, the man and his table-tennis racquet told me to go on.
Relieved, I now stood in a line to board the plane. We were put on a bus and taken to the plane. How large the plane was! How terrifyingly it roared! I knew that this thing would not be able to move on it’s own. Maybe the passengers would have to push the plane! Maybe that is why there were so many passengers – not all of them would get to sit in the plane.
I, then, climbed the stairs and went inside the plane. I suddenly felt cold. A lady took my slip of paper, and took me to my seat. I had been prepared to fight for my seat just like in the ‘Jansatta Express’ from Bhagalpur station, but I now saw that there were enough seats for everyone.
The lady then gave me some cotton. “For your ears”, she said, and then showed me how to lock the seat belt. I felt sorry for the kind lady. Everyone knows that ears do not need cotton, and in any case, my ears were clean enough (I had cleaned them before the journey).
Then the plane started shaking, and I felt scared again. Perhaps, the plane was going to throw me off! I held on to my seat wit all my might. After a long time, it started moving. Suddenly we started going very fast, and suddenly, the ground fell away. My ears started paining (I had thrown away the cotton). Soon we were above the clouds. I looked at the white sea below. After some time, the scenery became dull and boring, so I fell asleep.
When I woke up, the plane had started landing. My ears started paining again. I tried to look for my cotton, but in vain. The plane landed on the ground, and my kind lady’s voice could be heard saying in Hindi, “ Please stay seated. We don’t want any of our passengers to arrive before the plane does.”
By now, the plane had come to a halt, and I said goodbye to the kind lady, and came out of the plane. I felt very hot quite suddenly, almost as if the plane was somehow was colder than the rest of the place. I knew that was impossible, and as I walked towards my son, I thought that I must be getting dementia in my old age….
However, now, at fifty years of age, I can finally fulfill my dream. My son, who works in a multinational company, has sent me a ticket for me to go and meet him in the city of Bengaluru. The ticket was an air-ticket – from Patna to Bengaluru on Air Deccan flight no. 420.
I arrived in Patna from my village by train. From the station I took a taxi to the airport. I was extremely nervous about how the airport would be. I hoped that they would not refuse to let me on the plane because of my rustic looks.
However, when I arrived at the airport, all my fears were set to rest, because I saw hat it was not much different from a railway station. There were a lot of people who looked like it was the first time on an airplane for them too. I now took courage – surely they would not throw all of us out of the plane?
However, looking at the vast multitudes of people I began to wonder how all the people would be accommodated on the plane. Panic seized me, I knew that I had to get on the plane as soon as possible.
Looking around, I saw a person sitting behind a counter with the same logo as my ticket. I presented my ticket to him. He looked ai it and told me in Hindi to a place where there was another counter with the same logo. When I arrived there, the lady behind the counter asked me for my name and other details, and them gave me an important-looking piece of paper, and told me to go to a place called “Security Check”.
As soon as I reached the place, I was scared. I saw two policemen with big guns standing on either side of me. In front of me, another policeman was asking a man some questions with a table-tennis racquet shaped thing in his hand. I started shaking, because I knew that the policeman would take me to jail. I closed my eyes and prayed to all the Gods that I knew of, to save me. My prayers were answered, it seems, for after making some beeping noises, the man and his table-tennis racquet told me to go on.
Relieved, I now stood in a line to board the plane. We were put on a bus and taken to the plane. How large the plane was! How terrifyingly it roared! I knew that this thing would not be able to move on it’s own. Maybe the passengers would have to push the plane! Maybe that is why there were so many passengers – not all of them would get to sit in the plane.
I, then, climbed the stairs and went inside the plane. I suddenly felt cold. A lady took my slip of paper, and took me to my seat. I had been prepared to fight for my seat just like in the ‘Jansatta Express’ from Bhagalpur station, but I now saw that there were enough seats for everyone.
The lady then gave me some cotton. “For your ears”, she said, and then showed me how to lock the seat belt. I felt sorry for the kind lady. Everyone knows that ears do not need cotton, and in any case, my ears were clean enough (I had cleaned them before the journey).
Then the plane started shaking, and I felt scared again. Perhaps, the plane was going to throw me off! I held on to my seat wit all my might. After a long time, it started moving. Suddenly we started going very fast, and suddenly, the ground fell away. My ears started paining (I had thrown away the cotton). Soon we were above the clouds. I looked at the white sea below. After some time, the scenery became dull and boring, so I fell asleep.
When I woke up, the plane had started landing. My ears started paining again. I tried to look for my cotton, but in vain. The plane landed on the ground, and my kind lady’s voice could be heard saying in Hindi, “ Please stay seated. We don’t want any of our passengers to arrive before the plane does.”
By now, the plane had come to a halt, and I said goodbye to the kind lady, and came out of the plane. I felt very hot quite suddenly, almost as if the plane was somehow was colder than the rest of the place. I knew that was impossible, and as I walked towards my son, I thought that I must be getting dementia in my old age….
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Phishing!
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Subject: FROM THE DESK OF HASSAN FREED
Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2007 09:12:32 +0000
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FROM THE DESK OF HASSAN FREED
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER
BANK OF AFRICA.
OUAGADOUGOU,BURKINA FASO.
TOP SECRET
Dear Friend
I am Hassan Freed, the bill and exchange manager at the foreign
remittance department of bank of africa. I got your contact from the
internet ,while seaching for an honest and trust worthy person, who will
assist me to implement this transfer, I discovered the sum of (Fiftheen
Millon five hundredThousand) United States Dollars (USD15.5M) belonging to a
deceased customer of this bank. The fund has been lying in a suspence
account without anybody coming to put claim over the money since the account
owner late Mr Salla khatif from Lebanese , who was involved in the December
26th 2003 Benin AT POSTED 11.15AMEST (16.15GMT)2003 AT BENIN PLANE CRASH
HERE IS THE air crash website on cnn =
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/index.html
The said fund is now ready for transfer to a foriegn account whose owner
will be portrayed as the beneficiary and next of kin to the deceased
customer of the bank.
Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next if
kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless
somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlines and laws but unfortunately we learnt that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the
plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.
It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation
to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming for it and I don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.
The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a
Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I therefore soliciting
for your assistance to come forward as the next of kin.
I have agreed that 45% of this money will be for you as the beneficiary in
respect of the provision of your Account and services rendered, 55% would be
for me while 5% will be for expencses incured during the cause of this
transaction If the money is transferred to your Account from bank of africa,
I and my family in this transaction will proceed immediately to your country
for our own share of the money.
I expect you to keep this business strictly confidential and secret as you
may wish to know that I am Bank official. Be rest assured that this business
is 100% risk free on both side and every arrangement to transfer this money
to the Account you are going to provide have been concluded provided we
maintain the confidentiality and secreceirity involved. Contact me on my
email address I am looking forward for your prompt response.
Yours faithfully,
Hassan Freed
_________________________________________________________________
MSN Messenger: appels gratuits de PC � PC !
http://www.msn.fr/msger/default.asp
*****************************************************************
From the desk of Mohan Kumar,
Chief Egghead,
Statutory Bank of India,
Kolkata,
India.
Dear Mr. Freed,
Re: Top Secret
Myself also has un proposal of similar nature for you. I
myself is the current holder of the designation of 'chief egghead'
of the great and all-powerful Statutory Bank of India. Howevaer, in
my bank, the great and all knowing Honourablest Government Of India
is depositing much amount of cash and other valuables for safe
keeping. This cash and other valuable is for the use of the great air
force of India's much esteemed fighter pilots - who are reffered to as
the Bhikharis.
Myself is in direct charge of these and other funds of similar
nature. The valuables deposited in this account amount to over 42 million
Central African Waginkas. This large and extremely useful amount is
available for the personal use of interested persons.
I am in the belif that a person of such high esteemation is just
the person I am in the looking for. If you are interested in the carryation
of this transaction, pleased you are requested to establish contact at
earliest time period.
Thanking You,
Yours Sincerely,
Mohan Kumar.
P.S. - Myself is not very good in english language. You are requested to overlook this shortcoming.
Lokta ekhono reply koreni!
Peace, Yo!
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Subject: FROM THE DESK OF HASSAN FREED
Date: Sat, 17 Mar 2007 09:12:32 +0000
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FROM THE DESK OF HASSAN FREED
BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGER
BANK OF AFRICA.
OUAGADOUGOU,BURKINA FASO.
TOP SECRET
Dear Friend
I am Hassan Freed, the bill and exchange manager at the foreign
remittance department of bank of africa. I got your contact from the
internet ,while seaching for an honest and trust worthy person, who will
assist me to implement this transfer, I discovered the sum of (Fiftheen
Millon five hundredThousand) United States Dollars (USD15.5M) belonging to a
deceased customer of this bank. The fund has been lying in a suspence
account without anybody coming to put claim over the money since the account
owner late Mr Salla khatif from Lebanese , who was involved in the December
26th 2003 Benin AT POSTED 11.15AMEST (16.15GMT)2003 AT BENIN PLANE CRASH
HERE IS THE air crash website on cnn =
http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.crash/index.html
The said fund is now ready for transfer to a foriegn account whose owner
will be portrayed as the beneficiary and next of kin to the deceased
customer of the bank.
Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next if
kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless
somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as
indicated in our banking guidlines and laws but unfortunately we learnt that
all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the
plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.
It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this business
proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation
to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is
coming for it and I don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as
unclaimed bill.
The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained
unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank
treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this
business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a
Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. I therefore soliciting
for your assistance to come forward as the next of kin.
I have agreed that 45% of this money will be for you as the beneficiary in
respect of the provision of your Account and services rendered, 55% would be
for me while 5% will be for expencses incured during the cause of this
transaction If the money is transferred to your Account from bank of africa,
I and my family in this transaction will proceed immediately to your country
for our own share of the money.
I expect you to keep this business strictly confidential and secret as you
may wish to know that I am Bank official. Be rest assured that this business
is 100% risk free on both side and every arrangement to transfer this money
to the Account you are going to provide have been concluded provided we
maintain the confidentiality and secreceirity involved. Contact me on my
email address I am looking forward for your prompt response.
Yours faithfully,
Hassan Freed
_________________________________________________________________
MSN Messenger: appels gratuits de PC � PC !
http://www.msn.fr/msger/default.asp
*****************************************************************
From the desk of Mohan Kumar,
Chief Egghead,
Statutory Bank of India,
Kolkata,
India.
Dear Mr. Freed,
Re: Top Secret
Myself also has un proposal of similar nature for you. I
myself is the current holder of the designation of 'chief egghead'
of the great and all-powerful Statutory Bank of India. Howevaer, in
my bank, the great and all knowing Honourablest Government Of India
is depositing much amount of cash and other valuables for safe
keeping. This cash and other valuable is for the use of the great air
force of India's much esteemed fighter pilots - who are reffered to as
the Bhikharis.
Myself is in direct charge of these and other funds of similar
nature. The valuables deposited in this account amount to over 42 million
Central African Waginkas. This large and extremely useful amount is
available for the personal use of interested persons.
I am in the belif that a person of such high esteemation is just
the person I am in the looking for. If you are interested in the carryation
of this transaction, pleased you are requested to establish contact at
earliest time period.
Thanking You,
Yours Sincerely,
Mohan Kumar.
P.S. - Myself is not very good in english language. You are requested to overlook this shortcoming.
Lokta ekhono reply koreni!
Peace, Yo!
Morkeo!
Deep (b4 chemotherapy)
Shounak: how dyu diff betn H2So4 n H2SO3?
Deep: ...*shrug* ami ki jani?
oders discuss varius wez 2 do it...sum1 suggests boil dem...2 get SO2 n SO3 4m dem
Shonak: Taholey..ogulor moddhye diff korbo ki korey?
Deep: (tyublyt finally lyts up) Label dekhe!
Deep: Slip korey gelam! (afta fy6)
Mohan (afta getting 4m): Hw phuchaarless can u get? evry1's 4m has a number printed on it...myn is handwritten....no phuchaar!
b4 hist test:
Dyud (to mohan): abar notun boi? Kinish keno re?
Mohan: 1st termey ekjon jherey dilo...notun kinlam...tarpor 2 mash porey ferot pelam...2nd termer agey..abar jhaplo...ami onnor jhepey dilam...selexionser agey abar jhepey dilo...abar kintey holo!!!
b4 EVE test:
same dyud: abar notun boi? no phuchaar
Mohan: 2 bar beeta diye test dialm...50 tultey parlam na....3rd tym ... last 10 chaps chirey fellam...tao 50 uthlo na...icser agey bujhlam je...last 10 chaps na thakley...5o uthbey na...
(Afta test) Dyuyd: koto uthbe?
Mohan: Notun boi kinlam keno? emnitei 50 uthe jeto!!!
10 mins l8r....
Mohan: ei...boi kinbi???
Neo: (tells a story abt parar bondhu)
Bondhu goes 2 nu maths tutz ...teacher marofies khisti...bondhu repliez wit choice ufemizmz ..bondhu gets parnt's call;
Prnts cum:
Teach: apnar chele toh amari moton kothabarta bolche!!!
Yufemizms:
ICSE: da board dat wurks so dat its stdents dont hav 2...
u rly thnk ppl r gonna blieve g. arathoon wen he sez dat da comp paper wont b tuff 4 bengal? esp wen OL da eazy qz came in da normal paper? ND afta da fy6 debacle??? sheesh...u'd xpekt dat ppl in positions of power wud hav a b8r idea abt da pulse of da ppl....sad....
Peace, Yo!
Shounak: how dyu diff betn H2So4 n H2SO3?
Deep: ...*shrug* ami ki jani?
oders discuss varius wez 2 do it...sum1 suggests boil dem...2 get SO2 n SO3 4m dem
Shonak: Taholey..ogulor moddhye diff korbo ki korey?
Deep: (tyublyt finally lyts up) Label dekhe!
Deep: Slip korey gelam! (afta fy6)
Mohan (afta getting 4m): Hw phuchaarless can u get? evry1's 4m has a number printed on it...myn is handwritten....no phuchaar!
b4 hist test:
Dyud (to mohan): abar notun boi? Kinish keno re?
Mohan: 1st termey ekjon jherey dilo...notun kinlam...tarpor 2 mash porey ferot pelam...2nd termer agey..abar jhaplo...ami onnor jhepey dilam...selexionser agey abar jhepey dilo...abar kintey holo!!!
b4 EVE test:
same dyud: abar notun boi? no phuchaar
Mohan: 2 bar beeta diye test dialm...50 tultey parlam na....3rd tym ... last 10 chaps chirey fellam...tao 50 uthlo na...icser agey bujhlam je...last 10 chaps na thakley...5o uthbey na...
(Afta test) Dyuyd: koto uthbe?
Mohan: Notun boi kinlam keno? emnitei 50 uthe jeto!!!
10 mins l8r....
Mohan: ei...boi kinbi???
Neo: (tells a story abt parar bondhu)
Bondhu goes 2 nu maths tutz ...teacher marofies khisti...bondhu repliez wit choice ufemizmz ..bondhu gets parnt's call;
Prnts cum:
Teach: apnar chele toh amari moton kothabarta bolche!!!
Yufemizms:
ICSE: da board dat wurks so dat its stdents dont hav 2...
u rly thnk ppl r gonna blieve g. arathoon wen he sez dat da comp paper wont b tuff 4 bengal? esp wen OL da eazy qz came in da normal paper? ND afta da fy6 debacle??? sheesh...u'd xpekt dat ppl in positions of power wud hav a b8r idea abt da pulse of da ppl....sad....
Peace, Yo!
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