Lessons in K, Pt 5: Da Kless K

Baba Bitkel told this parable: A traveler, fleeing a tiger who was
chasing him, ran till he came to the edge of a cliff. There he
caught hold of a thick vine, and swung himself over the edge.
Above him the tiger snarled. Below him he heard another snarl, and
behold, there was another tiger, peering up at him. The vine
suspended him midway between two tigers.
Two mice, a white mouse and a black mouse, began to gnaw at the
vine. He could see they were quickly eating it through. Then in
front of him on the cliffside he saw a luscious bunch of grapes.
Holding onto the vine with one hand, he reached and picked a grape
with the other.
How delicious!
Manky hurd it n sed: "Tor ..."
n Baba Bitkel neber told parables agen.

A puzzled kalia once said to Dari: "You say truth can be
expressed without speaking, and without keeping silent. How can
this be?"
Dari answered, "In Southern KLand in the Spring, when I was
only a lad, ah! how birds sang among the blossoms."
Kalia sed: "no 1der ppl dun ask u 4 adbhyc!"
n Kalia was nlytened.

A kStud once asked the master Shanky if he would please
tell him the basic principle of BuddhismK. He did this by asking:
"Why did KMan come out of da kewl skul into da unkewl skul?"
"Wait," said Shanky. "Later, when there is no one around except us
two, I will tell you."
During the day they were alone together several times, and several
times da kStud started to ask his question again, but each time the
master put his fingers to his lips. Finally, da kStud insisted on an
answer. Shanky took him outside.
"There is no one here. Tell me!" said kStud.
Shanky whispered, "These bamboos here are tall. Those bamboos there
are short. That is why Kman came to da unkewl skul!"
n thus, da kStud was nlytened.

A K master named Gamla asked a young student to bring him a pail of water to cool his bath.
The student brought the water and, after cooling the bath, threw on to the ground the little that was left over.
"You dunce!" the master scolded him. "Why didn't you give the rest of the water to the plants? What right have you to waste even a drop of water in this kewl skul?"
The young student attained K in that instant. He changed his name to Tekisui, which means a drop of water.
n da yung stud replied: "dhusala...nijer naam cahnge kor!"
n da Gamla was nlytened.

Dari had studied with KMan since childhood. When he was twenty he wanted to leave his teacher and visit others for comparitive study, but KMan would not permit this. Every time Dari suggested it, KMan would give him a rap on the head.
Finally Dari asked an elder sister to coax permission from KMan. This the sister did and then reported to Dari: "It is arranged. I have fixed it for you to start on your pilgrimage at once."
Dari went to KMan to thank him for his permission. The master answered by giving him another rap.
When Dari related this to his elder sister the other said: "What is the matter? KMan has no business giving premission and then changing his mind. I will tell him so." And off she went to see the teacher.
"I did not cancel my permission," said KMan. "I just wished to give him one last smack over the head, for when he returns he will be enlightened and I will not be able to reprimand him again."
Dari hurd dis n was nlytened...After he came bak, he went 2 see kMan...n sed: " Jodi rap korish, tokey ...". N dari was neber rapped agen.

A K master named Manky lived in the latter part of the Jacky era. He used to say: "There are three kinds of kStuds: those who impart K to others, those who maintain the kewl skuls, and then there are the rice bags and the clothes-hangers."
n thus, da ryc bags wer nlytned...

K masters give personal gidance in a secluded room. No one enters while teacher and pupil are together.
Jimmy, the K master of da kewl sku;, used 2 enjoy talking with merchants and newspapermen as well as with his kSTuds. A certain rodmaker was almost illiterate. He would ask foolish questions of Jimmy, have tea, and then go away.
One day while the rodmaker was there Jimmy wished to give personal guidance to a disciple, so he asked the rodmaker to wait in another room.
"I understand you are a living K," the man protested. "Even the stone kMen in the kewl skul never refuse the numerous persons who come together before them. Why then should I be excluded?"
Jimmy raised an eyebrow n sed: "do u reeeeally wish 2 kno?"
da rodmaker considered....n went away..quickly. He had attained nlytenment.
Peace, Yo!