Friday, May 25, 2007

Lessons in k, Pt 4

THE master Baba Bitkel had a visitor who came to inquire about K. But
instead of listening, the visitor kept talking about his own
After a while, Baba Bitkel served tea. He poured tea into his visitor's
cup until it was full, then he kept on pouring.
Finally the visitor could not restrain himself. "Don't you see
it's full?" he said. "You can't get any more in!"
"Just so," replied Babs Bitkel, stopping at last. "And like this cup,
you are filled with your own ideas. How can you expect me to give
you K unless you offer me an empty cup?"
"lyk dis," sed da bhisitor, n he threw da tea on Baba Bitkel's face
n Baba Bitkel was nlytened.

THE MASTER Gamla said: "Neo, the first wheelmaker, made two
wheels. Each had fifty spokes. Suppose you cut out the hubs? Would
there still be a wheel?"
Manky sed: "d00d how many drugs r u on?"
n Gamla was nlytened.

TWO kMasters, Shanky and Baba Bitkel, were walking down a muddy street in
the city. They came on a lovely young girl dressed in fine silks,
who was afraid to cross because of all the mud.
"Come on, girl," said Shanky. And he picked her up in his arms,
and carried her across.
The two kMasters did not speak again till nightfall. Then, when they
had returned to the monastery, Baba Bitkel couldn't keep quiet any
"kMasters shouldn't go near girls,' he said ; "certainly not
beautiful ones like that one! Why did you do it?"
"My dear fellow," said Shanky. "I put that girl down, way back in
the city. It's you who are still carrying her!"

Once a student asked old Jimmy: "You teach that we must empty our
minds. I have nothing in my mind. Now what shall I do?"
"Throw it out!" said Jimmy.
"But I have nothing. How can I throw it out?"
"If you can't throw it out, carry it out! Drive it out! Empty it
out! But don't stand there in front of me with nothing in your
Da kSTud tried 2 protest..seeing dis, Jimmy lifted an eyebrow
n da Kstud was nlytened.

Dari once asked Neo to explain to him the old
problem of the goose in the bottle. "If a man puts a gosling into
the bottle" he said, "and feeds the gosling through the
bottle-neck until it grows and grows and becomes a goose, and then
there just is no more room inside the bottle, how can the man get
it out without killing the goose, or breaking the bottle?"
"Dari!" shouted Neo, and gave a great clap with his hands.
"Yes, master," said the Dari with a start.
"See!" said Neo, "the goose is out!"

Manky said to Kman: "K is a man hanging from a tree over
a cliff. He is holding on to a twig with his teeth. His hands hold
no branch. His feet find no branch. Up on the cliff-edge a man
shouts at him: 'What is K?'
"If he fails to answer he is lost. If he answers, he dies. What
must he do?"
Kman replied: "_|_"
n Manky was nlytened.

A new kewl skul was to be opened, and the master Manky had to
decide which of his kStuds should be put in charge. So he called
the kStuds together, filled a vase with water, and said to them:
"Which one of you can say what this is without giving its name?"
The chief kStud, who expected to be given the new mastership, spoke
first. "It stands upright, it is hollow inside, but it is not a
wooden shoe," he said.
Another kStud said, "It is not a pond, because it can be carried."
Then the cook, lowest of the kStuds, arose. He kicked over the vase
with his foot, so the water ran out on to the floor. He had shown
how to achieve emptiness.
Manky gave him the job, n no1 was hungry in dat kewl skul eber agen.
But Manky neber got da money 4 da broken bhase.
n Manky was nlytened.

HERE is a story the K masters sometimes told: There was an old
woman who was born in the same town as Baba Bitkel, but ever since she
had been a little girl she had been afraid to face him, although
everyone assured her he was a very kd00d. Every time she
thought she might meet him, she ran away. One day she was on the
road which led to town, and she saw approaching a venerable man in
a saffron robe. It was Baba Bitkel. She was terrified. She couldn't
run, but she refused to look. She covered her eyes with her two
hands - but wonder of wonders! the tighter she covered her eyes,
the clearer she saw Baba Bitkel between each of her clenched
fingers. Tell me, who was the old lady?
Baba Bitkel replied: "Hw am i suposed 2 kno?"
Da Kman asked: "y r u getting so defensib?"
n Baba Bitkel knew he was finished...

WHILE Shanky was preaching quietly to his followers, his talk was
interrupted by an unql d00d who believed in miracles, and
thought salvation came from repeating unql words.
Shanky was unable to go on with his talk, and asked the d00d
what he wanted to say.
"The founder of my religion," boasted the d00d, "stood on one
shore of a river with a writing brush in his hand. His disciple
stood on the other shore holding a sheet of paper. And the founder
wrote the holy name of Porashona onto the paper across the river
through the air. Can you do anything so miraculous?"
"No," said Shanky, "I can do only little miracles. Like: when I am
hungry, I eat; when I am thirsty, I drink; when I am insulted, I
n da unql d00d was nlytened.

Peace, Yo!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Teachings in K, Pt 3

Kman held up his pole and waved it before his kstuds.
"If you call this a pole," he said, "you deny its eternal life.
If you do not call this a pole, you deny its present fact. Tell
me just what do you propose to call it?"
Kstuds: "Tor ..."
At dis, Kman realised his kStuds had attained nlytenment.

a kstud asked of a kMaster: "A man sits on top of a hundred-foot pole. How can he
go farther up?"
anoda kStud answered: "He should reach for enlightenment. Then he can
stand up into all four corners of the sky at once.
Jimmy was standing nearby. He obserbhed: "do u rly want 2 kno?"
da kStud reflected upon dis, n was nlytened.

Shanky said to one of his kStuds, "Can you get hold of Emptiness?"
"I'll try" said the kStud, and he cupped his hands in the air.
"That's not very good," said Shanky. "You haven't got anything in here!"
"Well, master," said the kStud, "please show me a better way."
Thereupon Shanky seized the kStud's nose and gave it a great yank.
"Ouch!" yelled the kStud. "You hurt me!"
"That's the way to get hold of Emptiness!" said Shanky.
n da kStud was nlytened.

Manky said: "Suppose you meet a K master on the road. You can't
talk to him. You can't stand there silent. What can you do?"
Neo sed: "Whack him one."
n Manky was nlytened.

A famus fyter pylot came to a Kstud and asked: "Master,
tell me: is there really a heaven and a hell?"
"Who are you?" asked the Kstud.
"I am a pylot of the great Su-42."
"Nonsense!" said Hakuin. "What kind of Su-42 would have you
around it? To me you look like a beggar!" At this, the pylot
started to rattle his big sword in anger. "Oho!" said da kstud. "So
you have a sword! I'll wager it's much too dull to cut my head
At this the pylot could not hold himself back. He drew his sword
and threatened the kstud, who said: "Now you know half the
answer! You are opening the gates of hell!"
The pylot drew back, sheathed his sword, and bowed. "Now you
know the other half," said the kstud. "You have opened the gates
of heaven."
da pylot stud 4 sum tym, contempl8ing. den he sed: "Screw dis."
n he cut off da kstud's hed....
da oder kMasters gathered remrked, da pylot is nlytened."

Dari came to a K master, and said: "I am seeking the
k. In what state of mind should I train myself, so as to find
Said the master, "There is no mind, so you cannot put it in any
state. There is no k, so you cannot train yourself for it."
"If there is no mind to train, and no k to find, why do you
have these kstuds gather before you every day to study k and
train themselves for this study?"
"But I haven't an inch of room here," said the master, so how
could the kstuds gather? I have no tongue, so how could I call them
together or teach them?"
"Oh, how can you lie like this?" asked Dari. "But if I have no
tongue to talk to others, how can I lie to you?" asked the master.
Then Dari said sadly, "I cannot follow you. I cannot understand
"I cannot understand myself," said the master.
n Dari was nlytened.

Basu said to a kStud, "If I see you have a staff, I will give it to
you. If I see you have no staff, I will take it away from you.
da kStud sed: "mukhey churey debo acid."
n Basu was nlytened.

Little Panchu was only twelve years old. But since he was a pupil at
the K temple, he wanted to be given a Klesson to ponder, just
like the more advanced students. So one evening, at the proper
time, he went to the room of Manky, the master, struck the gong
softly to announce his presence, bowed, and sat before the master
in respectful silence.
Finally the master said: "Panchu, show me the sound of two hands
Panchu clapped his hands.
"Good," said the master. "Now show me the sound of one hand
Panchu was silent. Finally he bowed and left to consider this
The next night he returned, and struck the gong with one palm.
"That is not right," said the master. The next night Panchu returned
and played drum music with one hand. "That is not right," said
the master. The next night Panchu returned, and imitated the
dripping of water.
"That is not right," said the master. The next night Panchu
returned, and imitated the cricket scraping his leg. "That is
still not right," said the master.
For ten nights Panchu tried new sounds. At last he stopped coming to
the master. For a year he thought of every sound, and discarded
them all, until fnally he reached enlightenment.
He returned respectfully to the master. Without striking the gong,
he sat down and bowed. "I have heard sound without sound," he
Manky hurd da answer. Slowly he rose n came mear Panchu... n slapped him.
"Dat", he sed, "is da sound of one hand clapping."
n Panchu was truly nlytened.

Kman said to his disciples; "Each of you has a pair of ears,
but what have you ever heard with them? Each of you has a mouth,
but what have you ever said with it? Each of you has eyes, but
what have you ever seen with them? No, no! You have never heard,
never spoken, never seen, never smelled. But in such a case where do all these colors, shapes, sounds,smells, come from?"
Gamla was passing by n he oberhurd da Kman n he sed: "_|_"
n da Kman was nlytened.

The master Gamla showed his wisdom even as a child. Once he broke
the precious heirloom teacup of his teacher, and was greatly
upset. While he was wondering what to do, he heard his teacher
coming. Quickly he hid the pieces of the cup under his robe.
"Master," he said, "why do things die?"
"It is perfectly natural for things to die and for the matter
gathered in them to separate and disintegrate," said the teacher.
"When its time has come every person and every thing must go.
"Master," said little Gamla, showing the pieces, "it was time for
your cup to go.
n da teacup was's w8 decreased.

A kstud came before the master Dari and asked to be helped in
getting rid of his violent temper.
"Show me this temper," said Dari. "It sounds very fascinating."
"I haven't got it right now, so I can't show it to you, said the
"Well then," said Dari,"bring it to me when you have it."
"But I can't bring it just when I happen to have it," protested
the student. "I'd surely lose it again before I got it to you.
"In such a case," said Dari, "it seems to me that this temper is
not part of your true nature. If it is not part of you, it must
come into you from outside. I suggest that whenever it gets into
you, you beat yourself with a stick until the temper can't stand
it, and runs away."
n dis is y no1 asks Dari 4 adbhyc.

A new kStud came up to the master Manky. "I have just entered the
brotherhood and I am anxious to learn the first principle of K,"
he said. "Will you please teach it to me?"
Manky said, "Have you eaten your supper?"
The novice answered, "I have eaten."
Manky said, "Now wash your bowl."
n da kStud was nlytened.

Peace, Yo!

Lessons in K Pt. 2: Da Chaapless Chaap

A Gamla asked a Kstud when he was weighing some flax: `What is K?'
Da Kstud said: `This flax weighs three pounds.'
Da Gamla said: 'Tor ...'
n da Kstud was nlytened

Dari asked Jack: `The world is such a wide world, why do you answer a bell and don ceremonial robes?'
Jim replied: 'Would u rather dat he didnt don ne robe?'
n Dari was nlytened

Gamla asked Manky: `What is the path?'
Manky said: `Everyday life is the path.'
Gamla asked: `Can it be studied?'
Manky said: `If you try to study, you will be far away from it.'
Gamla asked: `If I do not study, how can I know it is the path?'
Manky said: `Tor m*key.'
At these words Gamla was enlightened.

A Kstud asked Neo: `What is K?' Neo answered him: `Dried dung.'
n da Kstud was nlytened.

A Kstud asked Kman: `Without speaking, without silence, how can you express the truth?'
Kman replied: _|_
n da Kstud was nlytened.

Shanky of da kewl skul was about to lecture before dinner when he noticed that the bamboo screen lowered for meditation had not been rolled up. He pointed to it. Two Kstuds arose from the audience and rolled it up.
Shanky, observing the physical mobhement, said: `The phuchaar of the first Kstud is good, not that of the other.'

Dari was studying K under Shanky. One night he came to Shanky and asked many questions. The teacher said: `The night is getting old. Why don't you retire?'
So Daribowed and opened the screen to go out, observing: `It is very dark outside.'
Shanky offered Dari a lighted candle to find his way. Just as Dari received it, Shanky blew it out. At that moment the mind of Dari was opened.
`What have you attained?' asked Shanky.
Dari sed: 'I hab attained nlytenment. My w8 decreases'
At dat moment, Shanky pushed Dari down da stairs.
n Dari was nlytened.

A travelling Kstud asked an old woman the road to da kewl skul, a popular Kplace supposed to give wisdom to the one who goes there. The old woman said: `Go straight ahead.' When the Kstud proceeded a few steps, she said to herself: `He also is a common k-doer.'
Someone told this incident to Manky, who said: `Wait until I investigate.' The next day he went and asked the same question, and the old woman gave the same answer.
Manky remarked: `I have investigated that old woman.'
n da Kstud was nlytened.
Da old woman hurd dis, sed 2 Manky: 'Tor ...'
n Manky was nlytened.

Peace, Yo!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Lessons in K

A Kstud asked Manky, a K master: `Has a cow K-nature or not?'
Manky answered: `Moo.'

Manky raised his finger whenever he was asked a question about K. A boy attendant began to imitate him in this way. When anyone asked the boy what his master had preached about, the boy would raise his finger.
Manky heard about the boy's mischief. He seized him and cut off his finger. The boy cried and ran away. Manky called and stopped him. When the boy turned his head to Manky, Manky raised up his own finger. In that instant the boy was enlightened.
When Manky was about to pass from this world he gathered his Kstuds around him. `I attained my finger-K,' he said, `from my teacher Foo, and in my whole life I could not exhaust it.' Then he passed away.

Neo asked: `Why does the enlightened man not stand on his feet and explain himself?' And he also said: `It is not necessary for speech to come from the tongue.'

Two students of K were arguing about a pole. One said: `The pole is moving.'
The other said: `The wind is moving.'
The Kman happened to be passing by. He told them: `Not the wind, not the pole; ur mind is moving.'

Shanky complained when he saw a picture of the bearded Dari: `Why hasn't that fellow a beard?'
Da Kman sed: Bhonjo!
n Shanky was nlytened

Dari called out to himself every day: `Master.'
Then he answered himself: `Yes, sir.'
And after that he added: `Become sober.'
Again he answered: `Yes, sir.'
`And after that,' he continued, `do not be deceived by others.'
`Yes, sir; yes, sir,' he answered.

Neo went to the dining room from the K hall holding his bowl. Dari was on duty cooking. When he met Neo he said: `The dinner ball is not yet beaten. Where are you going with your bowl?'
So Neo returned to his room.
Dari told Shanky about this. Shanky said: `Old Neo did not understand the ultimate k.'
Neo heard of this remark and asked Shanky to come to him. `I have heard,' he said, `you are not approving my K.' Shanky admitted this indirectly. Neo said nothing.
The next day Neo delivered an entirely different kind of lecture to the Kstuds. Shanky laughed and clapped his hands, saying: `I see our old man understands the ultimate truth indeed. None in keo can surpass him.'

Neo saw the Kstuds fighting over a pole. He seized the pole and told the monks: `If any of you say a good word, you can save the pole.'
No one answered. So Neo boldly cut the pole in two pieces.
That evening Manky returned and Neo told him about this. Manky removed his sandals and, placing them on his head, walked out.
Neo said: `If you had been there, you could have saved the pole.'

Shanky called to his attendant: `Mota.'
Mota answered: `Yes.'
Shanky repeated, to test his pupil: `Mota.'
Mota repeated: `Yes.'
Shanky called: `Mota.'
Mota answered: `Yes.'
Shanky said `I ought to apologize for you for all this calling, but really you ought to apologize to me.'
Mota answered: 'Tor ...'
n Shanky was nlytened

Peace, Yo!

y u shud NOT hold deb8s in our class

Englis deb8:
Original Topik: Intellectually chal..sorry..quaified ppl shud go 2 da west

arjun: arey...eastey ja aar westey ja...eki byapar toh! ektu beshi ghurlei easte thkey wetsy pouchey jabi!
shank: u hab a point der! america is axully closer 2 da east!
neo: ok den...1st 5 mins amra probe korbo jey east = west

*deb8 rages on...topic has changed 2 y science is b8r in da west*
aritra(agenst da moshun): but, u dont need adbhanced scientific instruments 2 lurn science...
neo (for): hey aritra..temme...u'll agree dat da most adbhances in fy6 in da last 50 yrs hab bin in da field of particle fy6?
aritra(perks up @ da thot of particle fy6): yah..sure!
neo: temme...if u dont hab a hadron collider how on urth do u study subatomic fy6?
aritra: :-\

*5 mins l8r*
arkayan: u see, da topic was....(axully sez sumthing srs)...
ebry1: dhusala..chup kor...(in 4nt of da teacher)

*5 mor mins l8r...topik changed agen...y der r mor facilities 2 study in da west*
aritra: but u cannot guarantee dat all of da gr8est scientists hab had gr8 facilities 2 study in...newton...edison...dey din hab all dese facilities
me: sala, newton was da professor of math in ox4d! ur sayin he din hab facilities?
shank: edison had books....we dun hab dat same lebhel of boks here
aritra: yes...we do hab dose boks here
me: aritra, tell me..hab u bin 2 da park circus library?
aritra: no
me; of kourse u doesnt xist
aritra: :-|

EBE deb8
topic: EBE shud b introdyuced in syllibus..

Neo: Peace!
Ebry1: Heil Neo! (Nazi salute)
Neo: i hab a frnd..
ebry1: *shocked xpression*
neo: b4 EBE..he used 2 b enbhironmentally conscious...he used 2 turn off da tap...n recycle ebrything
ebry1: Ebrything?
neo: sorry..NOT ebrything..MOST things...neway, last tym wen i met him...i saw dat he had stopped duin enbhironmenty things...he doesnt turn off da tap nemor...i asked him y..n he sed, "mah teech sed i suk @ EBE. so i wanna sho ppl dt i suk @ EBE", we can c dat EBE is a set of bhaluez dat we instill in ourslebhes...@ da most it is just a special case of Moral Science.
Teach: :O (thnx: no phuchaar!)

Peace, Yo!

Thursday, May 17, 2007

bak in blak

lon tym no blogging...sorry....chaap hoy gechilo...axully not so much chaap as *habing*waaaaaay*2*much*fun*...:)
neway...dis is wat's bin happening in class nowadayz....
PROCEEDINGS in Cl 11 sec. K (yes, it's officially bin renamed)

-> chem: teech gibs sums...we copy down da sums...n da answers r giben by aritra mitra...wch r promptly copied down by da bak benchers...1 day, teech cums round 2 bak of class...
teech (2 apro): Ki re, parchis?
*apror khatay 2to onko copy kora...aar koyekta drawing kora*
apro: (cobering his drawings) ha sir parchi!
teech: gud gud!
me: sir, how do u do dat sum?
teech: blah blah (goes away)
apro: r ektu holei mortam!

-> fy6: teech gibs sums...shanky n tommy do da onko in der khata...neo snores...n i *try* 2 solbe da sum using shank'z programming calcul8r...
teech: do dis sum (reffering 2 humongus bhector sum)
(5 mins l8r)
aritra: maam, da ans is ....
shnk: no, da ans is ...
tommy: nana...ans hoche p-ij (loudly)
*bakbenchers laff...teech n marus clueless...tommy xplains p-ij concept 2 a maru..maru falls down due 2 k-oberload*
teech: mohan, wats da ans?
me: ma'am hold on...*furiously punching calci keys*'am da ans is: "stack error"
teech: :-|
shank: wat did u do wit ma calci?
me: ami ki jani? tor stack eto choto keno?
anoda day...anoda class...anoda day spnt in bhain by teech trying 2 bhectorize us...
teech: do dis sum..
me: shanky gib ur calci
*starts pressing keys @ random...i dont notice da teech standing bhynd me*
me: (after getting anoda stack error) dur...tor stack ta boro korish na keno?
shanky: Math error peley ki Mathta boro kortey bolbi?
teech: (teech has bin luking @ mah copy ol dis tym) is dis ur regular fy6 copy?
*note: if u dunno abt mah fy6 copy...lemme tell started out as mah fy6 copy in cl 10...den it became mah geogo its mah fy6 copy..also, shanky n aritra thnk it is their pribhilege 2 scribble/draw w/e it is dat dey cum up wit....result...da copy luks lyk a cross betn a war zone and a rhesus monkey's bottom...da particular page dat da teech was luking @ had:
1. a sum on projectyl moshun
2. da words: "CaO + Ra = CaORa under hy chaap"
3. a drawing of da WTC
4. da fysical features of myanmar*
me: yesh maam
(i close da copy n sho her da subject name: "fysix..she takes da copy n gibs it da 1ce ober...she turns da page...n cums upon: "electromagnet - it is a magnet wch runs on electricity"...she mentally thnx no phuchaar)
teech: u shud buy a nu copy...u will need a big copy in cl 11
me: ma'am, da stashunery doesnt hab ne mor big copies
teech: buy it 4m outsyd
me: in my area, der r no shops....(pechon theke keu bollo: ma'am, molla paray thakey)
teech: :-| (goes away)
neo: ma'am, luk @ mah copy...sold under pobherty debhelopment scheme 4 Rs 2....
teech: no phuchaar!

-> Englis: walter mitty's karakter analysis
teech: so we c dat WM is a dreamer
shank: ma'am i thnk he was skizofrenic...dat is y he knew so much abt ol dose medical terms..
tommy: ma'am, he was neurotic...
shank: ma'am wat is coreopsis? i thnk he was a doctor..odawyz he wudnt kno abt coreopsis..
me: ma'am he was a german double agent hu flew sea-planes and duble crossed da allies...
teech: :o..WTF? den she rembrs wch class she is in...n tells me 2 sit down..
neo: ma'am, i was just 1dering, hu dis Dr. ren**shaw is?
teech: he is a person hu has no phuchaar...lyk u...

-> Comp:
scene: teech is chatting wit 2 maru brownnosers...
sayan n basu: ei tui or pechon theke ghurey ashtey parbi na
me: dara... (stands up...n walks around da class...goes behynd teech, xamines da board...cums bak)
neo does da same 4m da oder syd...
sayan n basu: no phuchaar... ( dey get up n walk arnd da class)
*me, neo sayan n basu...ol perambul8in da class...teech is blissfully ignorant*
me: (2 teech) sir, CCTB's will b installed in ebry class?
tommy: sir, inbhasion of pribhacy!!
me: sir, da principal will teach us bhalue edcashun....after watching us thru da camera? isnt der a conflict of intrest sumwer?
teech: :-|
me: sir, turbo c++ is 30 yrs old...der is only 1 syt wer u can dl it...n its called
teech: so?
me: sir, y do we hab 2 lurn antik software? we can crack da latest edishun of TC n use dat, cant we?
teech: no, principal wont allow..
me: :-| how will he kno?
teech: he knoz..he knoz...
*WTF? we watch mobhies lyk eragon on disks wch r so obiously pirated dey wud make capn. jak sparrow blush wit shame....n we cant use TURBO C++ bhersion 5? how is dat justified?
oh, n by the way, my skul comp is infected wit BRONTOK.A bhirus...resarch showed..IT'S A MOBYL BHIRUS...shadhe boli, no phuchaar?*
-sum parts r obiously fixional...but most of it is tr00-
Peace, Yo!