Friday, May 25, 2007

Lessons in k, Pt 4

THE master Baba Bitkel had a visitor who came to inquire about K. But
instead of listening, the visitor kept talking about his own
After a while, Baba Bitkel served tea. He poured tea into his visitor's
cup until it was full, then he kept on pouring.
Finally the visitor could not restrain himself. "Don't you see
it's full?" he said. "You can't get any more in!"
"Just so," replied Babs Bitkel, stopping at last. "And like this cup,
you are filled with your own ideas. How can you expect me to give
you K unless you offer me an empty cup?"
"lyk dis," sed da bhisitor, n he threw da tea on Baba Bitkel's face
n Baba Bitkel was nlytened.

THE MASTER Gamla said: "Neo, the first wheelmaker, made two
wheels. Each had fifty spokes. Suppose you cut out the hubs? Would
there still be a wheel?"
Manky sed: "d00d how many drugs r u on?"
n Gamla was nlytened.

TWO kMasters, Shanky and Baba Bitkel, were walking down a muddy street in
the city. They came on a lovely young girl dressed in fine silks,
who was afraid to cross because of all the mud.
"Come on, girl," said Shanky. And he picked her up in his arms,
and carried her across.
The two kMasters did not speak again till nightfall. Then, when they
had returned to the monastery, Baba Bitkel couldn't keep quiet any
"kMasters shouldn't go near girls,' he said ; "certainly not
beautiful ones like that one! Why did you do it?"
"My dear fellow," said Shanky. "I put that girl down, way back in
the city. It's you who are still carrying her!"

Once a student asked old Jimmy: "You teach that we must empty our
minds. I have nothing in my mind. Now what shall I do?"
"Throw it out!" said Jimmy.
"But I have nothing. How can I throw it out?"
"If you can't throw it out, carry it out! Drive it out! Empty it
out! But don't stand there in front of me with nothing in your
Da kSTud tried 2 protest..seeing dis, Jimmy lifted an eyebrow
n da Kstud was nlytened.

Dari once asked Neo to explain to him the old
problem of the goose in the bottle. "If a man puts a gosling into
the bottle" he said, "and feeds the gosling through the
bottle-neck until it grows and grows and becomes a goose, and then
there just is no more room inside the bottle, how can the man get
it out without killing the goose, or breaking the bottle?"
"Dari!" shouted Neo, and gave a great clap with his hands.
"Yes, master," said the Dari with a start.
"See!" said Neo, "the goose is out!"

Manky said to Kman: "K is a man hanging from a tree over
a cliff. He is holding on to a twig with his teeth. His hands hold
no branch. His feet find no branch. Up on the cliff-edge a man
shouts at him: 'What is K?'
"If he fails to answer he is lost. If he answers, he dies. What
must he do?"
Kman replied: "_|_"
n Manky was nlytened.

A new kewl skul was to be opened, and the master Manky had to
decide which of his kStuds should be put in charge. So he called
the kStuds together, filled a vase with water, and said to them:
"Which one of you can say what this is without giving its name?"
The chief kStud, who expected to be given the new mastership, spoke
first. "It stands upright, it is hollow inside, but it is not a
wooden shoe," he said.
Another kStud said, "It is not a pond, because it can be carried."
Then the cook, lowest of the kStuds, arose. He kicked over the vase
with his foot, so the water ran out on to the floor. He had shown
how to achieve emptiness.
Manky gave him the job, n no1 was hungry in dat kewl skul eber agen.
But Manky neber got da money 4 da broken bhase.
n Manky was nlytened.

HERE is a story the K masters sometimes told: There was an old
woman who was born in the same town as Baba Bitkel, but ever since she
had been a little girl she had been afraid to face him, although
everyone assured her he was a very kd00d. Every time she
thought she might meet him, she ran away. One day she was on the
road which led to town, and she saw approaching a venerable man in
a saffron robe. It was Baba Bitkel. She was terrified. She couldn't
run, but she refused to look. She covered her eyes with her two
hands - but wonder of wonders! the tighter she covered her eyes,
the clearer she saw Baba Bitkel between each of her clenched
fingers. Tell me, who was the old lady?
Baba Bitkel replied: "Hw am i suposed 2 kno?"
Da Kman asked: "y r u getting so defensib?"
n Baba Bitkel knew he was finished...

WHILE Shanky was preaching quietly to his followers, his talk was
interrupted by an unql d00d who believed in miracles, and
thought salvation came from repeating unql words.
Shanky was unable to go on with his talk, and asked the d00d
what he wanted to say.
"The founder of my religion," boasted the d00d, "stood on one
shore of a river with a writing brush in his hand. His disciple
stood on the other shore holding a sheet of paper. And the founder
wrote the holy name of Porashona onto the paper across the river
through the air. Can you do anything so miraculous?"
"No," said Shanky, "I can do only little miracles. Like: when I am
hungry, I eat; when I am thirsty, I drink; when I am insulted, I
n da unql d00d was nlytened.

Peace, Yo!

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