Monday, April 2, 2007

Things dat r wrong wit mah comp….

  1. Spyke buster (spyke busted da spyke buster…din get it fixed…comps bin running witout spyke buster 4 a year now…spyke buster is now used as a source for parts for sum of my ‘xperiments’)
  2. UPS (refer 2 last post)
  3. CPU
    1. Hard disk axess lyt is intermittent…it knos morse code…it kips on blinking on n off…eben tho der is no activity goin on…
    2. RAM – 128 MB…8mb shared wit video card…nuff sed…oh n btw, DDR RAM…not DDR2….it wasn’t invented wen mah comp was built….go figure
    3. USB ports…*teknikally* I hab 4 USB reality I hab 2 ports…on da oder hands da devices in my haus dat require USB axess:

i. Digicam

ii. Webcam

iii. Mom’s fone

iv. Dad’s fone

v. Printer

vi. Mous

vii. Broadband modem

So, as u can well imagine…a large part of mah computing day is spent kneelin bhynd da CPU, swiching devyces in n out of ports…oh n did I mention, da CPU’s urth connexion is not very gud?…so ummm….certain parts of body do develop a potential differens betn da cabinet n da ground…da potential differens effectively gets nyutralized thru da least resistant path…i.e. my torso…my father beliebes dat its gud 4 helth as I get recharged by da shok…2 dat I can only say, “wat sorta god 4saken devyc needs 2 get recharged 2wyc daily??? N dat too at 220 volts AC???”

d. Fan – hab u cn mah PC fan? If u habnt lemme gib u a brief descripshun…


Circa 1960 A.D….locashun: Xerox Parc … sum bored byurokraik pencil pusher notes dat da ENIAC 3 machine is getting rather hot for smooth operations..he has a brlnt bren wave (instead of just a brnlt wave…wch is sumthing he was desper8ly in need of)…putting a fan insyd da computer room 2 blow hot air out…

Present day: dat historical fan stil per4ms its correctly ordained funxion…albeit in more ignomious surroundings…n in considerable violashun of da noise pollushun regulations in 4ce in da area…

Algoridm 4 fan’s working:

1. Start

2. if (mood is good) then start rotation @ 4 rpm

3. else stop

4. if (has been rotating 4 2 mins) tym 4 a brk, stop

5. if (ambient temperature>30 C) Giv up, stop

6. if

 (ambient temperature < 20 C) protest agenst workplaces condishuns...stop 

7. if

 (musik volume < 100 dB) commens loud noise.. 

8. if (musik volume > 100 dB) commens even louder noise…

9. if (machine has bin kikd) rotate 4 3 seconds then stop.

10. STOP

Da chances of da fan working 4 5 mins witout stopping or making a grinding noise are slimmer dan an Ethiopian peasant on a hunger stryke… My haus has axully bin declared a no-fly zone by da IAF due 2 an alarming tendency displayed by overflying MiG 21 aircraft 2 jus “giv up” after hearing da noise of mah fan… we are axully not allowed 2 throw away our computer as junk bcuz our fan is apparently as ‘historical treasure’ or sumthing lyk dat….

Nex tym, we’ll move hyer up da trobles chain….

Peace, Yo!

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Techno Travails

Trabails with technology - Computer...

I was chking out Monsieur M's blog n i came across his computer troubles...kinda remynded me of my computer...only about a hundred tymes worse. *sheds tears of heaven*

Ebryday as I start mah comp…oh did I say strt? I ment hammer the two contact points in 4nt of da mother bord 2geda….ohk meve dats a lil 2 xtreme…here wat rly happns:

Scene: Mah house

Important Karakters: Me, Computer, Recently purchased Fyr xtinguisher

Act I Scene 1:

Me: Lets start ze comp!

*fynds fuze…(fuze is kept separated cuz 150 yr old wyring curkit in haus is prone to sending 200 v power surcharges in2 da circuit..)..plugs fuse in2 da fuze holder..puts switch in2 on position (switch is one of dose blak n white types, whch u hab 2 push up n down)…puts on UPS switch…(lil histry of UPS: UPS was first bought in da yr ~1999…bin working ever sins…lemme refraze dat…bin PLUGGED in ever sins…da battery ran out arnd 6 mths ago…UPS doesn’t provide bak up wen power goes down..on da contrary…wen da UPS gets overheated, IT SHUTS DOWN, of its own accord!!…trust me…I hab lukd thru da wyring circuits of UPS systems available on da net..n NONE of dem hab temperature controlled auto-shut-offs!! I gess my UPS is spcl…jus lyk ebry oda piece of technology I hab ever owned (or cum in kontakt wit neway))..UPS sputters 2 lyf…*

Me: *prays 2 ol Hindu gods…offers sacrifyc 2 ol 4 mosques arnd hous…n performs fyr sacrifice 2 zoro-astrian fyr god*

*Pushes comp start-up switch n grits teeth…da monster awakens…n da neighbours run 2 secure watever loose odds-n-ends are lying around deir haus…da HDD makes a grinding noise loud enuf 2 release enuf sound enrgy 2 put even da lyt combat aircraft in2 orbit…(n we ol kno how hy da LCA can go on its own power…xactly 0.0F metres)…da power LED lyts up briefly….n den goes out agen…ol arnd da haus dogs howl n writhe in pain as da ultrasonic waves emitted by da FDD drives dem mad…ol wyrless devices withing 2.5 km automatically reset themselves to 2.4 Ghz…a passing airliner becums so depressed dat it decydes 2 plunge down 2 da grnd…n da grinding noise continues*

Me: Yay! Choleche!

**Comp hears mah xultation..decydes dat it is under 2 much stress…n promptly conks off…da neighbours cum out of thir bomb shelters thinking dat da monster has breathed it’s last….i press da on switch agen…….*repeat previous steps* Windowz boots up…startup sound starts 2 play…gets cut off in da middle wit a dull n ominous squelch*

Me: brlnt! Nu record!…only 1 min 13 seconds (STOPWATCHEY MAPA TYM!!)

Srsly, compared 2 myn, Monsiur M’s computer is lyk a demi god…Konsidaar da facts:

OMG….dxdiag hanged mah comp!!! Im not even sure weda it shud be hanged or hung!!!

Ders more 2 cum...din wanna scare u 2much..heheh...yep dats me..epitome of kyndness n sensitivity....
Peace, Yo!