Sunday, April 1, 2007

Techno Travails

Trabails with technology - Computer...

I was chking out Monsieur M's blog n i came across his computer troubles...kinda remynded me of my computer...only about a hundred tymes worse. *sheds tears of heaven*

Ebryday as I start mah comp…oh did I say strt? I ment hammer the two contact points in 4nt of da mother bord 2geda….ohk meve dats a lil 2 xtreme…here wat rly happns:

Scene: Mah house

Important Karakters: Me, Computer, Recently purchased Fyr xtinguisher

Act I Scene 1:

Me: Lets start ze comp!

*fynds fuze…(fuze is kept separated cuz 150 yr old wyring curkit in haus is prone to sending 200 v power surcharges in2 da circuit..)..plugs fuse in2 da fuze holder..puts switch in2 on position (switch is one of dose blak n white types, whch u hab 2 push up n down)…puts on UPS switch…(lil histry of UPS: UPS was first bought in da yr ~1999…bin working ever sins…lemme refraze dat…bin PLUGGED in ever sins…da battery ran out arnd 6 mths ago…UPS doesn’t provide bak up wen power goes down..on da contrary…wen da UPS gets overheated, IT SHUTS DOWN, of its own accord!!…trust me…I hab lukd thru da wyring circuits of UPS systems available on da net..n NONE of dem hab temperature controlled auto-shut-offs!! I gess my UPS is spcl…jus lyk ebry oda piece of technology I hab ever owned (or cum in kontakt wit neway))..UPS sputters 2 lyf…*

Me: *prays 2 ol Hindu gods…offers sacrifyc 2 ol 4 mosques arnd hous…n performs fyr sacrifice 2 zoro-astrian fyr god*

*Pushes comp start-up switch n grits teeth…da monster awakens…n da neighbours run 2 secure watever loose odds-n-ends are lying around deir haus…da HDD makes a grinding noise loud enuf 2 release enuf sound enrgy 2 put even da lyt combat aircraft in2 orbit…(n we ol kno how hy da LCA can go on its own power…xactly 0.0F metres)…da power LED lyts up briefly….n den goes out agen…ol arnd da haus dogs howl n writhe in pain as da ultrasonic waves emitted by da FDD drives dem mad…ol wyrless devices withing 2.5 km automatically reset themselves to 2.4 Ghz…a passing airliner becums so depressed dat it decydes 2 plunge down 2 da grnd…n da grinding noise continues*

Me: Yay! Choleche!

**Comp hears mah xultation..decydes dat it is under 2 much stress…n promptly conks off…da neighbours cum out of thir bomb shelters thinking dat da monster has breathed it’s last….i press da on switch agen…….*repeat previous steps* Windowz boots up…startup sound starts 2 play…gets cut off in da middle wit a dull n ominous squelch*

Me: brlnt! Nu record!…only 1 min 13 seconds (STOPWATCHEY MAPA TYM!!)

Srsly, compared 2 myn, Monsiur M’s computer is lyk a demi god…Konsidaar da facts:

OMG….dxdiag hanged mah comp!!! Im not even sure weda it shud be hanged or hung!!!

Ders more 2 cum...din wanna scare u 2much..heheh...yep dats me..epitome of kyndness n sensitivity....
Peace, Yo!

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